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Disgruntled Factory Worker Puts Super Glue In Condoms

Thousands Of Couples Stuck Together

Elmore McCowski, a disgruntled factory worker in the Sureon condom factory is now under arrest for putting super glue in thousands of packages of condoms in Hoboken, Oregon. Thousands of couples across the nation, who believed the condoms were lubricated, are stuck together and are filling up hospital emergency rooms from coast to coast.

Police and factory investigators have determined that McCowski put gobs of extra-strength super-glue inside and outside the condoms so that once the package was opened and put to use the couples became instantly stuck together. Doctors across the country are having a very difficult time separating the couples. Men who have large organs buried deep inside their partners make it impossible for the doctors to access the fusion. When doctors can get to the area they are having to painfully sever the top layer of skin leaving the men and women with excruciating raw red skin.

Authorities are advising consumers who have purchased Sureon lubricated condoms to put them on a piece of paper after opening. If the condom sticks do not use it. Return any defective condoms to the place of purchase for replacements, unless you need the glue to mend broken stuff.

Condom factory co-worker Seymour Figgerton says McCowski was a loner who didn't talk much, "One time he said, 'Do you realize we assist fornicators to kill holy bodily fluid?'

"I though he just had a weird sense of humor. He also invited me to go to the First Church of Appliantology." .... Continue reading this disgruntled story ....

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Millions of Americans' Cars Are Glued To Their Asses

No one really can explain how this happened. Some people theorize that these victims' asses just melded with the car seats from being on them so much. Others think it involves some sort of toxic chemical that dissolved and attached itself to the victims' asses. Many victims manage to free themselves from the strong bond and go in their homes only to get reattached the next day on the way to work. One man almost ended up in an auto crusher because he couldn't free himself from his car after trading it in for a new car in the cash for clunker program. A worker saw him and freed him with a sawzall. But reportedly the man's ass is now attached to his new car. Reporter Elvoid Tesartockfast said in a AP piece that, "Many of these people who I interviewed didn't think anything was wrong. It was as if it had always been this way and they couldn't conceive of a different type of life."

Some victims have a rubber band type ass attachment and .... Continue Reading about this big ass problem ....

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The MCT Health Care Plan That Will Save America & The Economy

Here it is: The Four Step MCT Health Care Plan

Step 1: No Public Health Care-and that includes Medicare-and Mandatory Private Health Insurance. The insurance industry is fighting to keep out the public plan so they can keep their profits. What is so bad about the insurance industry making a lot of money? Doctors and sick people fill in shit loads of insurance forms. How would you like to read this paper work for a living? I would have to get a shit load of money for doing that tedious stuff also. Suppose the public health insurance opponents are right. The government would mess up the health care system. So, as the insurance industry desires, we go without a public plan. Then the government should make it the law that everyone buys private health care insurance. Let the insurance companies continue doing whatever they want without government regulation. If they want to deny someone coverage that is their business. However, if you are not sick you must, by law, pay premiums. What will happen? ...... Continue Reading about this sick plan ......

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Economic Stimulus Program At Work: Shop, Restaurant Owners & The Down & Out Wait For Goldman Sachs, Morgan Chase Millionaire Vacationers To Leave Big Tips

Just about a year ago the economy really started collapsing. But Americans, while many have lost their jobs, their homes, have seen their retirement accounts shrink and their businesses slow way down are really eager for the US economic stimulus program to trickle down. Goldman Sachs, JP Morgan Chase, and other banks paid their employees millions of dollars in bonuses. The New York Attorney General reported that "Nine banks that received government aid money paid out bonuses of nearly $33 billion last year -- including more than $1 million apiece to nearly 5,000 employees -- despite huge losses that plunged the U.S. into economic turmoil."(link) (& the original NY Attorney General report link)  But many folks across the country are optimistic that the bank bonus millionaires are out there and spreading the wealth. Kertie Ziglewats, is a typical hopeful American. Ziglewats lost his construction business in the downturn. To try and save his business he refinanced his house, got behind on the payments and lost it. He now lives under a bridge in Hoboken, Oregon. During the day he hangs out downtown with shoe shine equipment. "I am just waiting here for a vacationer from Goldman Sachs to get a $50,000 dollar shoe shine. I know .... Continue Reading this stimulating article ....

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