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Tomatoes with protein?

Shoppers saw something unusual in a Portland, Oregon Safeway

Department of health officials quarantined the store area and advised local shoppers that, “While we know of no adverse effects of eating tomatoes with legs, consumers should do so at their own risk.”

Gerald Rutreldov, a manager for Safeway said, “We apologise to anyone who was inconvenienced by the tomatoes with legs and will give a full refund to all who inadvertently bought the tomatoes. For those individuals who still wish to purchase these tomatoes we will be offering them for 99 cents a pound. That's a two dollar a pound discount and quite a bargain. And these tomatoes are vine ripened and mildew resistant also.”

The tomatoes were apparently grown from a genetically modified seed stock that was spliced with a salamander gene in order to retard mildew. A spokesman from the Monsanto corporation, the seed producer said, “There is no documented case where salamanders have caused humans any harm. The added resistance these tomatoes have to harmful mildew germs far outweigh any detrimental effects that these legs might impose. These legs may also have the benefit of additional nutritional components, like protein, that are not normally included in tomato products.”

However, shoppers like Betty McKracken who passed by the tomatoes at the Portland Safeway store said, “I don't care if those tomatoes have protein. I ain't eating a tomato with legs.”

A Monsanto Company spokesman said that, “The legs were a glitch and we will be working to produce mildew resistant tomatoes in the future with no legs, or at least smaller legs. When the American public decides that they want a protein boost from traditionally non protein foods like salad components we hope our tomatoes with salamander legs will be more welcome in supermarkets.”

Meanwhile, no one could be found who tasted the tomatoes with legs. However, a former Monsanto employee, who wished to remain anonymous said that the company cafeteria serves pasta with a slimy tomato meat sauce that has no meat added! On the Monsanto website they say that, “While salamanders are not a traditional food because of their small size and sliminess, they can be quite a tasty and nutritious addition to your salad.”

According to Bud Vertin, editor of Food Trends magazine, “While this looks bad for genetic food engineers, sometimes it takes a while for people to adapt to new foods. In the future tomatoes with legs might be common place. At one time, and even today, some people thought it outlandish to eat this weird orange cheese whiz stuff—but millions of people eat it. How is that any worse than eating tomatoes with legs?”