Breaking News! Monday, October 4, 2004!
Frank Sinatra Controlling The Mafia's Assault
On Low Carb Restaurants
 |
| An older, but still vibrant, Sinatra is leading a
controversial underworld fight for Italian food. |
Two weeks ago we reported about the terror in the restaurant industry
as Mafia tough guys are beating up chefs and vandalizing restaurants
that serve “low carb” food. (Click
to read about this!) Meltingclocktimes.com sources have learned
that Frank Sinatra is working behind the scenes orchestrating things.
Sinatra, who tired of being in the limelight, took Elvis Presley's advice
and faked his death. (Click
to read about this!) Then last spring Sinatra, after missing
music and performing, went on tour with a punk rock band. (Click
to read about this!) People always suspected that Sinatra had
ties to the underworld. Now Sinatra, according to our source, wants
to put to rest suspicions people have about his Mafia connections. However,
at the same time Sinatra is aiming to transform the organization into
a force of good.
While this Mafia thug violence has appalled many people, including low
carb enthusiasts and law enforcement officials, other people see this
Mafia assault as a fight for the preservation of traditional Italian
food. ”I gotta hand it to ol' blue eyes,” says Georgio
Linquinni, a traditional Italian restaurant owner. “First
he had that great singing career. Now, he could be taking it easy in
retirement, but he is fighting for pizza and pastasciutta. Bravo for
Sinatra!”
Sinatra grew up in a traditional Italian family in Hoboken, New Jersey.
He visited Italy numerous times and the Italians love him as well as
the Americans do. Hence it makes sense that Sinatra loves Italian food
and feels compelled to fight to keep it wholesome, pure and traditional.
“I think Sinatra understands that Italian food is perhaps the
greatest in the world, and that it would be nothing without carbohydrates,”
says Italian food analyst for Food Trends magazine Tyronne Giubeespi.
“Could you imagine eating pizza without dough? Or pasta without
noodles? If these low carb nuts would have their way this is what people
would be confronted with. This is an affront to not just Italians, but
to anyone who loves good food. “
Italian food is perhaps the most popular cuisine all over the world.
There are pizza parlors in every country on Earth. Even France, also
famous for their cuisine, has thousands of Italian restaurants. However,
there are almost no French restaurants in Italy.
Other people are alarmed by Sinatra's lead in the low carb restaurant
assault. “I have always been a big Sinatra fan and I was happy
to hear that he is still alive,” says Hilda McBoomboom. “However,
if Sinatra is really involved in this anti low carb crusade I will spend
the five or six hours a day I sit on the couch watching other singers
on TV and on DVDs as a protest. I went down from 400 pounds to 300 pounds
on the Adkins diet. If people want they should be able to sit their
fat ass on the couch and eat only protein.”
Low carb restaurant owners like Gerald McBlubin are complaining, “When
I'm home I will be sitting my ass on the couch and listening to Tony
Bennett. I urge everyone to boycott Sinatra music and Italian hi-carb
food. I went from 450 pounds to 325 myself. Mafia thugs beat up two
of my chefs I have had three thousand bucks worth of broken windows
and the cops are doing nothing. The thugs would have beaten me up also
if I didn't threaten to sit on them. Mr. Sinatra should be in jail.”
Law enforcement agencies have not issued any arrest warrants against
Sinatra. “We are not even sure he is alive,” says Hoboken
District Attorney Antonio Mototesta. “There is also some good
evidence that disoriented low flying birds caused a lot of these low
carb restaurant broken windows.”
