Author Archives: Brian Friedkin

The Forgotten Civilization That Got Destroyed By Buying Useless Crap

The Forgotten Civilization of Pacificus THAT GOT DESTROYED BY Buying Useless Crap

Famed archaeologist Alberto Ziieegerstien tells about his discovery of the ruins of Pacificus and how it relates to the present economic crisis

Thanks to Hisaharu-Motoda for the recent image of Pacificus.
Thanks to Hisaharu-Motoda for the recent image of Pacificus.
It was 1958. I was a young archaeologist looking to make my mark. So I set sail for the island of Pacificus from Hawaii. Growing up in the depression I heard tales about this isolated island as the most advanced in the world. But no one heard anything about Pacificus for years. I landed my sail boat and walked from the empty harbor to the nearby city center and saw not a soul. I was in a park in a big city. Sky scrapers surrounded me. It looked like New York, but not one person was in sight. I walked and walked in the streets. Abandoned cars, that looked like big flimsy plastic toys, sat in the streets. I saw furniture and cob webs in the buildings’ windows but no trace of anyone.

 I walked around a corner and an old man was sitting on a bus stop bench. The old man was more amazed to see me than I was to see him.

"Where are you from and who are you?" he asked me.

I told him I just sailed from Hawaii and asked him what happened, "Was there a plague? Some bacteria that only killed people, but spared everything else?"

He told me the following story:

....  Continue reading this fascinating archaeological history ......

Every day April Fools day

Every day is April Fools day at MCT. We are living in a world of fools–so isn’t that appropriate?

Tomatoes Grow Noses!

Tomatoes Grow Noses!

 Albert Gosuelezstien got the shock of his life after returning home from the store when he started preparing a salad. He grabbed a tomato he bought and saw it had a nose! He jumped. It turns out that an entire truckload of genetically modified tomatoes that were delivered to a Hoboken, Oregon Safeway store had noses.

Department of health officials quarantined the store area and advised local shoppers that, “While we know of no adverse effects of eating tomatoes with noses, consumers should do so at their own risk.”

Gerald Rutreldov, a manager for Safeway said, “We apologize to anyone who was inconvenienced by the tomatoes with noses and will give a full refund to all who inadvertently bought the tomatoes. For those individuals who still wish to purchase these tomatoes

........ Continue reading about this odd tomato of a story .........

Dwarf Tossing, The Next Big Thing

The Next Big Thing That Will Pull The World Out Of The Economic Crisis: Dwarf Tossing!

In the past dwarfs were merely fairytale objects in films like Disney's, 'Snow White,' or 'The Wizard of Oz.' In the future dwarfs will be venerated sports heroes.
In the past dwarfs were merely fairytale objects in films like Disney's, 'Snow White,' or 'The Wizard of Oz.' In the future dwarfs will be venerated sports heroes.

There are cultural phenomenas and inventions that come about that change the world forever. The gun, the printing press, the airplane, rock and roll, electricity and the Internet all impacted the world beyond measure. These phenomenas had huge economic reverberations. What will be the next giant phenomena that will change life forever? Could this next big thing be the economic stimulus that transforms the world to break us out of the current economic crisis? A group of intellectuals, scientists and prognosticators, including Nobel prize winners, got together and asked these exact questions. They examined things like wind power, the rebuilding of an electric rail system, an advance in solar energy technology, the viability and possibility of nuclear fusion. After several intense weeks of study they unanimously decided that the next big thing will be dwarf tossing. They made a persuasive argument in their 400 page report that the dwarf tossing phenomena will bring the world out of the economic crisis.

Dr. Elmont Chestmontville, a Harvard Sociologist, said, “A generation from now the world’s greatest dwarf tossees will be just as famous as

...... Continue reading this Great  news ......

Idiot Convention

Hoboken, Oregon Divided On Hosting Idiot Convention

Idiot Harry Fedlebom already bought a ticket, but he may have to cancel his trip to the International Association of Idiots Convention in Hoboken, Oregon this year.
Idiot Harry Fedlebom already bought a ticket, but he may have to cancel his trip to the International Association of Idiots Convention in Hoboken, Oregon this year.
The Hoboken, Oregon Convention Bureau doesn’t even do good business in the summer. The town is far from anywhere. In winter when it is rainy and snowy no one comes. That is, until last year when the International Association Of Idiots decided to host its annual March convention there. Now the Idiots want to come back to Hoboken for the 2009 convention and many are welcoming the business in this economic downturn. But half of the city wants to keep them out.

“It was a nightmare for law enforcement last year,” says police chief Ernie Koobouts.“We had hundreds of idiot conventioneers going around in bathing suits in freezing weather asking for directions to the swimming pool. One guy shivering his ass off told me, ‘Last year’s convention in Miami had a pool, so I thought all conventions had pools.’

“We had a cold snap last year and several idiots froze their tongues to lamp

...... Continue reading this idiotic article ......

Sponsored items related to this:
Zip PT Zoingzoing’s Adventures In Outer Space
Brian Friedkin
Hey, wanna-be billionaire space travelers! Been there! Done it! & Zoingzoing didn’t waste billions$$ [like you already Mr. Bezos] because his spaceship runs on cheap s*&%. Blast off reading about Zoingzoing’s galactic travels & you’ll discover the only thing Zoingzoing has in common with other Sci-fi & the space billionaires is that it’s all based on s*&#!
⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
Kindle Edition
$2.99
  Para Abnormal Space Crap Invasion Mind Readers
Jack Shithead
Space Wars with Mind reading shape-shifting thriller detective laser zapping thriller. Read the page turning antics as a space detective trained assassin wards off an alien invasion as global warming disasters wreck havoc on the Universe! You’ll fall in love with the talking telepathic dolphins!

Kindle Edition
$25.99
  Space Gush Romance With Hunky Hunky Hot Breathing Alien Romantic Hunk For Pathetic Women In Space Wanda Spacelove
Another one of these hunky bodies with a six pac ab cover! Follow our heroine as she finds love on a planet of hunky space billionaires! Oh!

Kindle Edition
$29.99
"World leaders have read Brian Friedkin's book about Zip PT Zoingx2’s travels across the galaxy for a unique perspective. Maybe that is why the world is so f#@&ed up. Get it at Amazon!

Archives