Author Archives: Brian Friedkin

Man Lets Out Hellacious Fart In Mexican Restaurant, 3 Dead

Man Lets Out Hellacious Fart In Mexican Restaurant, 3 Dead

Officials examining the fart destruction.
Officials examining the fart destruction.
It may have been the strongest human fart in recorded history and the results were tragic. A Hoboken, Oregon man, who was a long time sufferer of gas, let out a fart yesterday in a Mexican restaurant and killed three people.

It must have been a terrible way to go. The district attorney is deciding whether to charge the man with anything. Several people were asphyxiated and paramedics who rushed to the scene had to give many restaurant patrons CPR. The unfortunate victims, who authorities determined died from suffocation, sat at an adjacent table near the fart perpetrator where the air circulation was poor. The restaurant owner denies that the restaurant’s beans were the cause.

With the growing population of obese people the potential for dangerous gas build up in these giant sized intestines has increased. Dr. Melville McKrauten said, “I have seen some big intestines in big bellies. An immense amount of methane gas can

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Mad Scientist To Take Over Facebook And Turn It Into Buttbook

Mad Scientist To Take Over Facebook And Turn It Into Buttbook

Expect to see this sign all over in a new Buttbook advertising campaign.
Expect to see this sign all over in a new Buttbook advertising campaign.

MCT wrote about Dr. Vivold Linquensha more than a year ago. (link) Not only did he make billions in biotechnology, but Linquensha foresaw the housing collapse and shorted banks in 2008. (Linquensha likes short things) Linquensha became one of the richest men in the world. And what is Linquensha doing with his wealth now? He is buying Facebook. A spokesman for Linquensha read a statement to the press yesterday which said, “On March 15, Facebook will be under the ownership of Linquensha Enterprises. The sole owner of Facebook will be Vivold Linqeunsha. On March 15, the name will be changed to Buttbook. All users of Facebook will have one week to change their photos to their butts. All Facebook users who do not change their face photos to their butt photos by March 22 will have their accounts canceled.”

Sources say that Mark Zuckerberg said he wanted his old life back. A high ranking official in the Facebook establishment who wished to remain anonymous said that, “Linquensha offered the right money at the right time.” It was not clear if Zuckerberg was aware or concerned that Linquensha will be changing the face of Facebook.

But several Facebook users are quite consternated about the upcoming changes of substituting face photos with butt photos.

“This will make clicking on photos really

... Continue Reading the butt end of this article and take a poll ... Predictions For The Future

MCT end of the decade prognostication for the next decade and beyond: Predictions For The Future

Last updated in 2011 But still relevant!

–MCT prognostication for the next decade and beyond in the case civilization does not collapse. (So the predictions here may not happen.) You will never find a more absurd, bizarre, off the wall but at the same time convincing prediction of the future.

Are humans smarter than yeast? Yeast reproduce like crazy, eat up all their food and then die from starvation (resource depletion) and from their poisonous excrement waste (pollution). So we may have a future of Apocalypse and collapse. The world will be thrown into a new dark age with untold misery. In case this doesn’t happen–and we don’t believe this outcome will be less likely– we predict the the following possibilities:

Here are MCT predictions of how the human race may adapt to limited resources, or even newly found and utilized resources, (for example–a discovery of how to harness nuclear fusion or a solar energy breakthrough with people adapting to vast energy cut backs.)

So if the human race, for example, gets rid of cars or figures a way of electrifying transportation via trains and batteries with wind power (or a less likely nuclear fusion scenario) collapse may not happen. The following predicts a future if the human race turns out to be more adaptable than warlike, suicidal and destructive and not quite as dumb as yeast. What will life be like then? If things keep on going and growing and things turn out like the below you might think collapse will not be so terrible. Let’s just hope the future won’t have too much famine and misery. According to the world would need eight earths for everyone to have lifestyle like the average American. So the below is a prediction of how the world may adapt to the future without a collapse—and it could be just as bad.

.....Continue Reading MCT predictions about sex, food, drugs, space travel and others .....

Life Smells Sweet For The Man With The World’s Biggest Nose

Life Smells Sweet For The Man With The World’s Biggest Nose

Stephen Montipoopleir has the world's biggest nose.
Stephen Montipoopleir has the world's biggest nose.

Stephen Montipoopleir of Paris, France has the world’s biggest nose. He works in the specialized field of perfume sampling. When perfume factories get batches of lavender or sarcophagus they need smellers to distinguish the good and bad batches. Motipoopleir’s nose is not only the biggest but it’s one of the best in the industry. Its big size makes for more nerves and olefactorous surface area resulting in a keen sense of smell. Even though perfume sales are down in the worldwide financial crisis, Montipoopleir says he still makes millions of Euros a year. His home is surprisingly modest for such a rich man. Montipoopleir lives in a working class area of Paris. Montipoopleir and a slightly overweight middle aged woman greeted me at the door.

I entered the house and shook Montipoopleir’s hand. He indicated the woman and said, “This is my servant. Get us some wine, woman.”

The woman made a scowl and said, “You are not going on with that again? People will just think you’re a banana nosed nut case.”

“Is that your wife?” I asked.

“Are you joking? I am surrounded by the most beautiful women in the world. Women half her age. The perfume industry’s fashion models. And they all love me. Women love my fame and big

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College Students would be better off getting bums to teach ’em

College Students: You’d Be Better Off Getting Bums Off The Street To Educate You Rather Than Paying Outrageous Tuition

According to students these two professors teach a class in philosophy that rivals any at Stanford
According to students these two professors teach a class in philosophy that rivals any at Stanford
We here at the MCT can’t understand why students aren’t rioting in the streets over the outrageous tuition costs. Some students are getting smart, quiting college and hiring winos and homeless bums for tutors who offer more bang for the buck. A typical state university like the University of Oregon’s tuition is $8190 up from $5900 a few years ago. The University of California at Berkeley is 12,500 bucks up from $6800 4 or 5 years ago. Yale University costs $38,300 a year–up $7000 4 or 5 years ago.

“Screw the high tuition costs,” says University of Washington dropout Jiglebut Hoserwald. “I had to pay a fortune to sit in a lecture hall with 500 other students. I get more personal attention from a wino who is teaching me about physics for a bottle of Thunderbird each lesson.”

Many students told us that they are getting a better education for a much lower cost. “Sure many of these bums are crazy and mentally disturbed,” added Hoserwald, ”but so are many college professors I had and the class sizes

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