Thought Provoking, Insightful News & Analysis

Ear Splitting News! Wednesday, February 16, 2005!
Man Trying To Break World's Record By Singing “10,000,000 Bottles Of Beer On The Wall” Shot To Death By Wife
“10,000,000 bottles of beer on the wall, 10,000,000 bottles of beer. Take one down and pass it around – 9,999,999 bottles of beer on the wall.”

That is how it all started. It ended with Ester McKookleflap shooting to death her husband Enid McKookleflap yesterday . “Mr. McKookleflap was attempting to get in the record books by singing '10,000,000 Bottles Of Beer On The Wall,' and it drove his wife to the brink,” said New York police officer Chester McClouduck.

After more than four months Mr. Kookleflap had only gotten to 9,447,853 when his wife couldn't take it anymore.

“This a great loss for the history of music,” said a friend of Mr. McKookleflap. “If anyone had the drive and perseverance to finish singing '10,000,000 Bottles Of Beer On The Wall,' it was Enid. He would have become famous for having sung the longest song in the history of the world.”

A friend of Mrs. McKookleflap said that, “I saw Ester a few days ago and she looked terrible. She told me that she couldn't take it anymore and that she was going to do something drastic. Mr. McKookleflap was constantly singing. He would nod his head and write notes to communicate. He even sang while eating. His wife told me that he woke himself up every 2 hours to sing 10 verses or so.”

“Even if your spouse drives you crazy, please do not take take the matter into your own hands and seek counseling from the proper authorities,” added police officer McClouduck.

Unfortunately Guinness Book of World records officials say that even singing over half a million versus of 10,000,000 Bottles of Beer On The Wall, was not enough to get Enid in the book of records. The longest song ever sung was by Shakshminarayana, a 17th century yogi mystic, who stood in the same place and sang the Bhagavad Gita repeatably for 20 years without even sleeping. Shakshminarayana was also killed. A disgruntled shop keeper, who worked near the singing site, got sick of the Yogi's voice and whacked him to death with a machete.

Long songs from Wagner's operas to “X Bottles of Beer On The Wall,” have always been very unpopular with many people. A New York bar, The Shamrock, in 1973 hosted a Saint Patrick's day extravaganza and offered a $1000 prize to whoever lasted the longest singing, “100,000 Green Bottles of Beer On The Wall.” That also ended in tragedy when after a week a disgruntled customer got sick of listening to the two last contestants and shot them to death. They had gotten to 53,021 green bottles of beer on the wall.