Thought Provoking, Insightful News & Analysis
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Thought Provoking, Insightful News & Analysis |
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Educational News! Wednesday, February 8, 2006! Young People Forgoing College & Getting Bums On The Streets For Personal Tutors To
Students across the country are quiting college and hiring winos and homeless bums for tutors who offer more bang for the buck. A typical state university like the University of Oregon's tuition is $5900 a year. The University of California is $6800 a year. Yale University costs $31,000 a year. “Screw the high tuition costs,” says University of Washington dropout Jiglebut Hoserwald. “I had to pay a fortune to sit in a lecture hall with 500 other students. I get more personal attention from a wino who is teaching me about physics for a bottle of Thunderbird each lesson.” Many students told us that they are getting a better education for a much lower cost. “Sure many of these bums are crazy and mentally disturbed,” added Hoserwald, ”but so are many college professors I had and the class sizes are much smaller now.” Not all bums are completely crazy. Many of them were once “productive” citizens with expertise in everything from physics to psychiatry. Lots of these bums are more than willing to share their knowledge with you for some spare change for booze. With even state colleges' tuition running thousands of dollars a year many young folks are discovering personal bum tutors are an attractive and economical alternative to college. While many homeless bums are crazy and ramble incoherently in their lessons many of their new students don't see this as a disadvantage over traditional universities. “I had many professors in the University of Oregon who also rambled incoherently,” said student Belmund Heeguter, “and the tuition was outrageous.” Jezoid McRavits, is a new generation educator who's an ex-lawyer. Due to an affection for booze McRavits lost his job and home. He now lives mostly at the Eugene, Oregon mission and under a bridge. “It is a beautiful life. I have the suburban home at the mission. Then when I want to booze it up and not hear a bunch of religious mumbo jumbo I go spend some time at my country home under a bridge. But now life is really beautiful. Because I give lessons and get enough money to eat at restaurants and all the booze I want. Yeah, like maybe it makes my lectures out there. Or where it was. What? Oh yeah. Can you talk when you are plastered? Hey. But my students love me and I will beat the shit out of their old professors at the University.” “My son is 17 and next year I am sending him to the bad section
of town for his education instead of the University,” said concerned
parent Mildred Huckabucker. “Just look this country: Deserted
dilapidated city centers and ugly dreary suburbs, a huge national debt
and trade imbalance, an unnecessary expensive war, multitudes of frivolous
lawsuits, dependence on foreign fossil fuels that are running out, the
world's most overpriced health care. Would we really have these problems
if the Universities were doing their job in educating people? It is
clear students. You will get a better education from a bum on the street!”
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