Stephen Montipoopleir of Paris, France has the world’s biggest nose. He works in the specialized field of perfume sampling. When perfume factories get batches of lavender or sarcophagus they need smellers to distinguish the good and bad batches. Motipoopleir’s nose is not only the biggest but it’s one of the best in the industry. Its big size makes for more nerves and olefactorous surface area resulting in a keen sense of smell. Even though perfume sales are down in the worldwide financial crisis, Montipoopleir says he still makes millions of Euros a year. His home is surprisingly modest for such a rich man. Montipoopleir lives in a working class area of Paris. Montipoopleir and a slightly overweight middle aged woman greeted me at the door.
I entered the house and shook Montipoopleir’s hand. He indicated the woman and said, “This is my servant. Get us some wine, woman.”
The woman made a scowl and said, “You are not going on with that again? People will just think you’re a banana nosed nut case.”
“Is that your wife?” I asked.
“Are you joking? I am surrounded by the most beautiful women in the world. Women half her age. The perfume industry’s fashion models. And they all love me. Women love my fame and big
Thieves across the nation are plaguing law enforcement officials and stealing noses. Many people look upon nose theft as comical, but it is no laughing matter to its many victims. An unfortunately typical senario beset a New York city man who wished to remain nameless. Last Monday a man broke into his apartment while he was sleeping and stole his nose. No one knows if the suspect is wearing the nose or what he is doing with it. The NYPD is advising Manhattan residents to report suspicious characters who appear to have two noses or anyone carrying a nose sized bag.
High tech police crime prevention, computerized alarm systems and DNA analysis are all contributing to a lower overall crime rate. “So criminals are resorting to unusual niches in the burglar industry,” says New York police officer Barty Buckmonts. “People do not expect that there are nose thieves—but there are and nose crime is increasing. While people safeguard jewelry and credit cards noses are left out in the open and thieves are taking advantage.”
Officer Buckmonts related another typical case: “A woman walked down
“This lack of professionalism is outrageous,” said a patient rights advocate Hector Fubocella. “Both of these doctors and the hospital deserve big fines and suspension of licenses.”
A spokesman for Hoboken General Hospital released a brief statement saying, “We regret the error and we are working to insure future mistakes will not happen.”
The sex change operation victim, who wished to remain anonymous, told Meltingclocktimes.com, “You bet I am suing. You have no idea how terrible it is to pee out of a nose. All of my life I have been confused about my sexuality and now
Emily Senbus always considered herself as a conservative, “I never even thought of doing pornography. I don’t even have very big breasts. But if all the pornographers were interested in was my nose I didn’t see anything wrong with it—especially for the money I make.”
Senbus has what nose fetishists consider an extremely sexy
Albert Gosuelezstien got the shock of his life after returning home from the store when he started preparing a salad. He grabbed a tomato he bought and saw it had a nose! He jumped. It turns out that an entire truckload of genetically modified tomatoes that were delivered to a Hoboken, Oregon Safeway store had noses.
Department of health officials quarantined the store area and advised local shoppers that, “While we know of no adverse effects of eating tomatoes with noses, consumers should do so at their own risk.”
Gerald Rutreldov, a manager for Safeway said, “We apologize to anyone who was inconvenienced by the tomatoes with noses and will give a full refund to all who inadvertently bought the tomatoes. For those individuals who still wish to purchase these tomatoes