Hundreds feared dead
It was a typical American town, with tract homes, a shopping mall, fast food chains, a Walmart surrounded by a huge parking lot and a dead down town. One thing that was unique in Hoboken, Oregon was the Acme whipped cream factory. Yesterday, a terrible explosion rocked the Acme whipped cream factory and buried the entire town seven to ten feet deep in whipped cream. Perhaps hundreds of people have died in this terrible tragedy. Emergency crews are still digging through thick whipped cream trying to find survivors. The whipped cream is getting stiff and rescue workers are giving up hope that the many people still buried under the thick mass of whipped cream will survive.
Already, a day after this terrible event, as the whipped cream hardens survivors and others are saying, “Leave the whipped creamed buried town to be as a monument to the future!” So exclaimed Mayor Jelbert McStunkoil. Yesterday he climbed out of the cream and went to work leading the rescue effort. But a day later McStunkoil said, “There is little hope of finding more people in the giant mass of whipped cream. Let us leave the whipped cream like it is as a tribute to victims of this terrible tragedy. One day Hoboken, Oregon, perhaps a thousand years hence will be what Pompeii is now. The citizens of Hoboken will not have died in
“This lack of professionalism is outrageous,” said a patient rights advocate Hector Fubocella. “Both of these doctors and the hospital deserve big fines and suspension of licenses.”
A spokesman for Hoboken General Hospital released a brief statement saying, “We regret the error and we are working to insure future mistakes will not happen.”
The sex change operation victim, who wished to remain anonymous, told Meltingclocktimes.com, “You bet I am suing. You have no idea how terrible it is to pee out of a nose. All of my life I have been confused about my sexuality and now
A growing problem is terrorizing appliance stores that sell vacuum cleaners and bogging down law enforcement agencies across the country. Perverts are breaking into appliance stores and molesting vacuum cleaners by the hundreds.
“The problem is on the rise,” according to Chicago police Sargent Victor Nedrosky. “It used to be sexy vacuum cleaners could live in peace without getting harassed and abused. But more and more perverts are molesting innocent vacuum cleaners and it has become a big problem for appliance stores and the police.”
“It used to be in the old days,” says vacuum salesmen Herbert Golvunk, “that just a normal lock on the store door would do. Nowadays you need to barricade a vacuum cleaner store or the perverts will find a way in. We lose thousands of dollars a year due to the molestations. And once the vacuums are molested it’s difficult to find a home for them. Even if we clean them up, when people buy a new vacuum they want a fresh virgin vacuum. It is sad, but once a young innocent vacuum is molested it is scarred for life.”
“It’s a big problem in
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Modern life in America, and the world for that matter, has led to social conditions and an environment that has caused mental disease in everyone. “What?” you exclaim, “Are you saying there exists no one who is sane in the entire United States?” Right. If there is anyone out there that is not crazy, they would have to be crazy to live amidst such a huge confederacy of crazy people. For anyone to maintain sanity in this world is pure insanity-so that only proves our point that everyone is crazy.
Are you wondering, “Just what makes you think everyone is crazy? I know a lot of people who are getting on just fine.” If that thought entered your head, it shows you are crazy yourself. Most everyone is plagued by ridiculous beliefs, crazy behavior –drug addictions for example. (And that includes Americas two most abused drugs-TV and religion.)
A few years back George Carlin summed up the contagion of crazy beliefs, “What is all this shit
Justervod Elsap was a normal guy who watched football, drank beer and worked in a hardware store in Chicago. Last Tuesday he woke up with curly sideburns and insisted on wearing black clothes and a yarmulke. He surprised his buddies when instead of serving beer and pretzels at a football watching get together at his house he served Manischewitz wine with gefilte fish.
Howard McToggleburg, a garbage man in Philadelphia, showed up for work in traditional rabbi attire and held a Torah. He slowed up work because he gave each garbage can a blessing to make sure it was kosher before throwing it into the truck. Philadelphia garbage officials put McToggleburg on sick leave and sent him home.
The virus is causing problems for some folks like Viril and Chesepeak Mchooterswap who are pig farmers outside of Hoboken, Oregon. “This virus is