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Zombie Infiltration In America Reaching Epidemic Proportions Due To A New Breed Of Mostly Vegetarian Zombie

Zombie Infiltration In America Reaching Epidemic Proportions Due To A New Breed Of Mostly Vegetarian Zombie

–MCT continues its ongoing investigation into zombie infiltration in America

Fictionalized zombies and real life zombies.
Fictionalized zombies and real life zombies.
Years ago movies, like Night of The Living Dead, showed what may have been actually based on fact: People in towns across America became brain dead and aimlessly wandered around in search of human flesh to eat. The US military entered these towns and eradicated the zombies. But leading zombie research scientist Dr. Ziegfried Yoddlebucker has unearthed some amazing government documents through the freedom of information act. Dr. Yoddlebucker discovered that in a military budget cost cutting measure and due to public pressure to use less violent methods to deal with conflicts, the US government enacted a program to breed zombies who did not eat human flesh. Somehow these government vegetarian bred zombies interbred with the flesh eating zombies. Within ten years the government was successful in stopping zombie flesh eating rampages. Government records indicate that not one town has been attacked by flesh eating zombies since the 1970’s. However, since zombies do not eat human flesh anymore no one took any action to eradicate them. Their numbers multiplied and now they are

.... Continue reading about the zombie scourge in America and participate in a zombie poll ....

Six New Conspiracy Theories

MCT Comes Up With Six New Conspiracy Theories

Why would anyone ruin these tomatoes by picking them too early?
Why would anyone ruin these tomatoes by picking them too early?
MCT will think you are nut if you believe in conspiracy theories about anything. In fact, we are sick of them and if the 9-11 conspiracy wackos continue with this BS as much as the Kennedy conspiracy assassination wackos our heads may explode. However, MCT has unearthed other possible conspiracy theories. Unlike the wacko conspiracy theories there is evidence for the following, and when you look at the facts these conspiracy theories look plausible. Here they are:

The Tomato Conspiracy Theory:
Who eats grocery store tomatoes that are picked green and shot with gas to turn them red? They are utterly tasteless. Here at MCT we only eat tomatoes that come the from the MCT mansion garden. In winter we don’t eat tomatoes. It is obvious that this tasteless tomato situation is a conspiracy by the home garden industry and possibly social do gooders who want people to eat fresh, healthy home grown food. The garden industry conspires to stock grocery stores with insipid produce so that people will buy gardening supplies– seeds, fertilizer, starts, etc.–and grow their own tomatoes.

The Wonder Bread Yeast and Flour Industry Conspiracy Theory:
Is the US the only country where so many stores sell bread that is not freshly baked? Who eats this terrible aerated, tasteless bread that is more like toilet paper, both in flavor and nutrition, than real bread. It is obvious: It is a conspiracy by the yeast and flour industry who will make more money if people bake bread at home. And with the crappy bread in grocery stores, and the ease in making home baked bread, (Check out the book, “Artisan Bread In 5 Min. A Day,”) it is a wonder why

.... Continue reading this and four more conspiracy theories ....

Disgruntled Factory Worker Puts Super Glue In Condoms

Disgruntled Factory Worker Puts Super Glue In Condoms

Thousands Of Couples Stuck Together

Investigators found these rubbers lubricated with super-glue.
Investigators found these rubbers lubricated with super-glue.
Elmore McCowski, a disgruntled factory worker in the Sureon condom factory is now under arrest for putting super glue in thousands of packages of condoms in Hoboken, Oregon. Thousands of couples across the nation, who believed the condoms were lubricated, are stuck together and are filling up hospital emergency rooms from coast to coast.

Police and factory investigators have determined that McCowski put gobs of extra-strength super-glue inside and outside the condoms so that once the package was opened and put to use the couples became instantly stuck together. Doctors across the country are having a very difficult time separating the couples. Men who have large organs buried deep inside their partners make it impossible for the doctors to access the fusion. When doctors can get to the area they are having to painfully sever the top layer of skin leaving the men and women with excruciating raw red skin.

Authorities are advising consumers who have purchased Sureon lubricated condoms to put them on a piece of paper after opening. If the condom sticks do not use it. Return any defective condoms to the place of purchase for replacements, unless you need the glue to mend broken stuff.

Condom factory co-worker Seymour Figgerton says McCowski was a loner who didn’t talk much, “One time he said, ‘Do you realize we assist fornicators to kill holy bodily fluid?’

“I though he just had a weird sense of humor. He also invited me to go to the First Church of Appliantology.”

.... Continue reading this disgruntled story ....

Millions of Americans’ Cars Are Glued To Their Asses

Millions of Americans’ Cars Are Glued To Their Asses

These people cannot help living like this--their asses are attached to their cars.
These people cannot help living like this--their asses are attached to their cars.
No one really can explain how this happened. Some people theorize that these victims’ asses just melded with the car seats from being on them so much. Others think it involves some sort of toxic chemical that dissolved and attached itself to the victims’ asses. Many victims manage to free themselves from the strong bond and go in their homes only to get reattached the next day on the way to work. One man almost ended up in an auto crusher because he couldn’t free himself from his car after trading it in for a new car in the cash for clunker program. A worker saw him and freed him with a sawzall. But reportedly the man’s ass is now attached to his new car. Reporter Elvoid Tesartockfast said in a AP piece that, “Many of these people who I interviewed didn’t think anything was wrong. It was as if it had always been this way and they couldn’t conceive of a different type of life.”

Some victims have a rubber band type ass attachment and

.... Continue Reading about this big ass problem ....

The MCT Health Care Plan That Will Save America & The Economy

The MCT Health Care Plan That Will Save America & The Economy

Here it is: The Four Step MCT Health Care Plan

Step 1: No Public Health Care-and that includes Medicare-and Mandatory Private Health Insurance. The insurance industry is fighting to keep out the public plan so they can keep their profits. What is so bad about the insurance industry making a lot of money? Doctors and sick people fill in shit loads of insurance forms. How would you like to read this paper work for a living? I would have to get a shit load of money for doing that tedious stuff also. Suppose the public health insurance opponents are right. The government would mess up the health care system. So, as the insurance industry desires, we go without a public plan. Then the government should make it the law that everyone buys private health care insurance. Let the insurance companies continue doing whatever they want without government regulation. If they want to deny someone coverage that is their business. However, if you are not sick you must, by law, pay premiums. What will happen?

...... Continue Reading about this sick plan ......

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