Category Archives: Uncategorized

Alternative Polka Universe

Alternative Universe Is Discovered That Is Exactly Like Earth Except Rock And Roll Is Unpopular And Polka Music Is The Rave

In the worm hole
In the worm hole

Can you imagine a world where the Beatles and the Rolling Stones are nobodies and Sven Jorgensen and His Yodeling Accordion Quartet are more popular than Jesus Christ? Can you image a world where the accordion is like the electric guitar and hip musicians don’t play bass—they play tuba?

For years doctors thought astronaut Jeral Googorston was crazy. Googorston even thought he was crazy himself. Jeral Googorstron had everything going for him. In 1991 he launched into space as a member of the space shuttle. In a routine spacewalk during the mission something strange happened to Googorston. He explained it to MCT:

“While I was space walking outside the shuttle I had an inexplicable experience. It felt like I

..... Continue reading this multi-dementional story ......

dogs

Dog Breaking News!

Psychologist Argues In Provocative Book That Dog Owners Are Clinically Insane

Now think of this. I am a hairy guy. I will be coming to live at your house. I won’t ever use the bathroom except to drink out of the toilet. I’ll get my hair all over and smell bad. But the worst thing about my stay at your house is that I will shit and piss everyday in your back yard and you, not me, will have to clean it up. I’ll even lay around in it if you don’t clean it up. In addition, I will howl during the full moon and you will need to spend money on me.

You’d have to be insane to put up with the above scenario. But that’s what millions of dog owners do.

... Continue reading about this dog shit & take a poll ....

Amazon Swindle

********* January 2012 Update!!! ******** The satire below from 3 years ago totally changed the Kindle. I don’t know if Jeff Bezos actually read this, but is it a coincidence that everything I made fun of –from the high price to the non open platform has changed? The new Kindle works better and costs one quarter than the one lambasted below. And the high prices for the e-books are the publishers’ fault not Amazon’s. And thanks to the Kindle the parasite middlemen publishers may soon be history. I even own a Kindle now and I give it 5 stars! Not only that, but by the time you read this one of my own books will be published for the Kindle. Stay tuned to MCT for the details. Jeff Bezos and Amazon chose to do good for the world unlike the blood sucking techno geek fashion creators and monopolizers at Apple and Microsoft. Bravo to Jeff Bezos and Amazon!
Brian Friedkin
CEO, Head Writer, Publisher, Editor,
Web Designer, Guiding Light Guru & Janitor

Meltingclocktimes.com

The January 2009 satire follows below:
*****************************

Hello Folks, Instead of a normal article this week we’re doing an infomercial. We have given our web site over to Amazon.

Swindle 2: Amazon’s New Wireless Reading Device (Latest Regurgitation)

Price: Only $359.00!!! Cheap!! & this item ships for FREE with Super Saver Shipping.
This item will be released on February 24, 2009.
Pre-order now!
Ships from and sold by
Amazon.com. Gift-wrap available.

Order Swindle now to RESERVE YOUR PLACE IN LINE. We prioritize orders on a first come, first served basis.

Hello!! We are the Amazon folks! We created one of the world’s greatest Internet resources! We improved the world with our fantastic web site—a massive portal of information and reviews on almost any book written and millions of other products. So why would you think we are now trying to become like Microsoft, by creating a evil monopoly that will require you to buy all your reading material from us? Isn’t a benevolent, cool magnetic ink monopoly better than a boring bookstore with old school books? Magnetic ink—that almost sounds like magic ink, and it is. So why shouldn’t you pay us for it? Don’t you people fork over money to Apple for overpriced gadgets that are much more useless and overpriced than the Swindle anyway? Take a look at the Swindle.. we got the hot, sexy gadget for you!! …. …
–>
Say Hello to The New Swindle!


.... Continue reading about the Amazing Amazon Swindle, read a personal message from Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos, & take a poll .....

Man Returns From Hell With Horrifying Report

Man Returns From Hell With Horrifying Report

Hell
Hell
Did the devil get drunk and mess up? Last week after doctors pronounced Jelbert McKoondlefart dead he woke up. He had been dead for three days and then rose up in a mortuary just as a undertaker was about to cremate him. But the amazing thing that is startling doctors and Mckoonlefart’s relatives is that the death survivor is telling about his experiences in hell.

In an exclusive interview with MCT McKoondlefart related what life in hell was like:

“The devils made me live in a suburban hell ranchette house with plastic vinyl floors and counters. The food down there was part of the torture. It was terrible. The devils forced me to eat McDonald’s! Baloney sandwiches on Wonder bread, Taco Bell food, macaroni and cheese from the box and hamburger helper. I felt so sick after eating that stuff that I thought I was going to die again.

........ Continue reading about this HELLISH torture!! ......

Surgery Botch Up, Man Ends Up With Two Noses

Surgery Botch Up In Operating Room: Man Ends Up With Two Noses!

Chef Don Kahuna is not happy with his new nose.
Chef Don Kahuna is not happy with his new nose.
Don Kahuna, chef and owner of the famous Hula Huli Chicken restaurant in Springfield, Oregon was having problems with throat infections. (They were probably exacerbated by his yelling at his employees on how to cook chicken in his exacting way.) So on doctors recommendations he went into the hospital for a tonsillectomy. When he woke up in his hospital bed after the operation he felt something strange. He scratched his face and felt two noses. He went to the bathroom to look in the mirror. He saw two noses on his face! And to add insult his tonsils were still intact.

“Besides looking ridiculous everything smells twice as bad. Sure, it is OK when something smells good, but if someone farts

.... Continue reading about this bloody medical messup and take a poll!

Get Brian Friedkin’s Book at Amazon!

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