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Engineer Invents Perpetual Motion Machine With Beer Cans

Engineer Invents Perpetual Motion Machine With Beer Cans

Pollution Free Technology Will Revolutionize The World
Engineer Rufus Thornburt might not be a household name yet, but Thornburt and some alternative energy innovators believe one day he will be as rich and famous as Bill Gates. Rufus Thornburt has invented an innovative but simple way of producing electricity. It causes no pollution and the energy will be too cheap to meter.

Thornburt explains, “It’s based on the concept of, ‘What happens when ya’ stick a beer can in water? It rises to the top.’ You tie the beer cans on a wheel and put it in water. The wheel is connected to a turbine.”

When Thornburt gets confronted with questions like, “What about the laws of physics that explain perpetual motion machines as a physical impossibility?”–He replies: “Lookie here! I am an Engineer with a degree from a reputable correspondence school. People told Thomas Edison all the things he invented were impossibilities too! We don’t need those negative attitudes around here!”

Thornburt told about the difficulties implementing his beer can technology and the history of it: “I came up with this here invention going back

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Outrageous New Fashion Craze: Displaying Dead Grandparents In The Living Room

Outrageous New Fashion Craze: Displaying Dead Grandparents In The Living Room

This dead man's grand kid's tastefully added a last drink to their scotch loving grandfather who adorns their living room now.
This dead man's grand kid's tastefully added a last drink to their scotch loving grandfather who adorns their living room now.

A new fashion craze is sweeping the nation. Fashion conscious people are displaying their dead grandparents in their living rooms. Many people are disgusted and appalled at the new fashion, and health authorities are warning people that having a rotting corpse in your house may be unhealthful. But many people are in love with their new conversation pieces and many interior decorating magazines and web sites are raving about the trend.

“Having a relative die now is less painful,” says interior designer Brucey Tuchoos, “because at least you get a fantastic opportunity to use the corpse to make a striking fashion statement in your living room décor.”

Many people are taking their dead relatives to taxidermists, who

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ass free dog

Scientists Develop Dog With No Asshole

Genetic Engineers Do It Again! Product Will Revolutionize The Pet Industry!
This dog has no asshole.
This dog has no asshole.

Genetic scientists have done it again. Researchers at the Acme Genetics Corporation (Web site) have successfully produced dogs without assholes. “This will revolutionize the pet industry,” says Acme Genetics spokesman Ilvord Veganostrup. “Almost everyone loves dogs. But many people did not want to own dogs because of the inconvenience of cleaning up after them. We have eliminated that problem and have opened a whole new market for dog ownership.”

Acme Genetics scientists worked for years altering dog genetics. “We had several prototypes that unfortunately prematurely exploded,” said Veganstrup. “But our engineers did not give up. We engineered new dog

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Mad Scientist Puts Chemical In Water Supply That Will Turn Everyone In The Whole World Into Elvis Impersonators

Mad Scientist Puts Chemical In Water Supply That Will Turn Everyone In The Whole World Into Elvis Impersonators

This photo was shot yesterday in NYC where thousands of Elvises are roaming the streets.
This photo was shot yesterday in NYC where thousands of Elvises are roaming the streets.

A high ranking FBI official has informed Meltingclocktimes.com that a fugitive mad scientist has developed a chemical, which he aims to put in the world wide water supply, that will make everyone believe they are Elvis Presley. Our secret source stated that, “This mad scientist loves Elvis Presley and in his demented world view he wants to see the entire world populated with Elvis impersonators. But the world will not be populated with merely Elvis impersonators. People, after drinking the tainted water, actually believe they are Elvis Presley.”

The Elvis chemical has already contaminated water in

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Man Follows Shampoo Directions And Dies In Shower After Lathering, Rinsing And Repeating For Weeks

Man Follows Shampoo Directions And Dies In Shower After Lathering, Rinsing And Repeating For Weeks

No one had heard from Elbert Wingducker for weeks. Finally his sister broke into his house and found Elbert’s skeleton in the shower with a thick lather of shampoo on his head. Hundreds of empty shampoo bottles were strewn all over the bathroom floor. Apparently Elbert Wingducker was a man who took things too literally. He read the instructions on the shampoo bottles to, “Lather, rinse and repeat,” and continued until he withered away.

Elbert’s sister Stella said she plans on suing shampoo companies. “My brother was

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