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Breaking News! Wednesday, March 31, 2004!
Extraterrestrials Planting Bugs In Chickens

This looks like a harmless chicken, but beware! It may be a dangerous spy in cahoots with evil aliens

Are chickens following you and hanging around to hear what you are talking about? You thought it was your imagination. Perhaps you thought again and reasoned, “Chickens following me around to hear what I might say? Absurd!”

You are not the only one who has been wondering, “Why is that chicken following me around?” It turns out strange chicken behaviour has been perplexing thousands of people around the country. FBI officials in several regional offices report getting several calls a day about odd chicken behavior. “The phone calls all start out the same,” says FBI agent George Hentduntly, “'You may think this is a strange phone call, but there is this odd chicken....'”

These odd antics of chickens can now be explained: The Meltingclocktimes has learned that extraterrestrials have planted bugging devices in the chickens and trained them to follow certain people around.

No one is sure why extraterrestrials are bugging so many people and for what reason. However, if you, like thousands have reported, are being followed by nosey chickens you are probably being singled out by aliens. Government authorities have advised people to please watch what you say when you think chickens may be listening. Report all suspicious chickens to law enforcement agencies and the FBI. Do not confront the chickens. They may be dangerous.

“We are not sure why these particular chicken exploiting aliens are scrutinizing us,” says a secret CIA source. “It could be they are trying to gauge the temperament of the human race to prepare for an invasion. It could be they are trying to single out leading individuals who would thwart an alien takeover. Or, it may be that these aliens wish to open trade relations with the Earth and they are singling out individuals who are bastions of the free enterprise system in order to get an unfair trade advantage.

“Whatever the alien motives are for using these chickens it is a genius plan. First of all because most people would not expect these chickens to be involved in compromising life on planet Earth. If you think of it, chickens have everything to gain from the decimation of the human race.”

Others, such as Neil Bussard, Executive Vice President of The Society For Chicken Love believe that people are exaggerating the strange chicken behavior. “It may just be that the chickens are following people around because they are very friendly animals and they are inquisitive as to what interesting things people may be saying--only out of curiosity.”

However, a FBI agent working on the alien-chicken connection warns that people should not be complacent around strange chickens. “These chickens could potentially be very dangerous. People on chicken farms and in the poultry industry should be especially on alert.”

While the office of Homeland Security has issued a yellow warning alert, an inside Washington source has told the Meltingclocktimes that President Bush is considering elevating the terror alert flag to orange in areas that have big chicken populations.