Thought Provoking, Insightful News & Analysis
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Thought Provoking, Insightful News & Analysis |
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If you want to write or comment about anything, or if you are a beautiful woman in the Eugene, Oregon area who wants to model for Meltingclocktimes.com send an email to: letterscrutinizer@meltingclocktimes.com (And tell us where you come from. It looks better at the letter end.) From: Ophelia Wuberwart Sent: November 4, 2005 Subject: What Did You Do With Your Grandmother's Body? Not too long after the sexy tribute to your grandmother who died at 97 you had an article about the new fashion trend of keeping dead grandparents as conversation pieces in the living room. (Outrageous New Fashion Craze: Displaying Dead Grandparents In The Living Room) I was just wondering if you have your Grandmother there in the Meltingclocktimes mansion or what? Ophelia Wuberwart Denver, Colorado Unfortunately my mother cremated her before I heard about the hot new fashion idea. She would have went great here and since she was a small woman she wouldn't have taken up too much space either. From: Oscar Wells Sent: March 4, 2005 Subject: A Tribute To A Great American, Doris Dashe, 1907-2005. Most of your stuff is all good fun and not without a lot of creativity but the Grandmother MP3 is super special. I don't know if you would want to promote it or how you could promote it in the way it is needed to end up at some great art museum. It is of that quality and that is a fact. You can make fun of my rural heritage but I have been to a few good museums. I have seen greatness and I know it now. It touches everyone. It eases everyone's fears of getting old. It pulls at the core of our existence. Well done! Oscar Wells Rochester, Indiana From: Emma Wingerduck Sent: Jan. 25, 2005 Subject: Wow! Hippies In Space! It is only now that I can sit down and calmly write this--but barely, I am still shaking. In the late sixties I was a hippie chick who lived on Haight St. in San Francisco with my hippie boyfriend. He had a VW hippie van just like the one pictured in your article, "VW Hippie Van With Hippie Skeletons Collides Into International Space Station." Actually, I am convinced that it is the same VW van. One day my boyfriend, Chester, and I had a big fight because he refused to shampoo his hair because he didn't want to kill the insects in there. So he stormed out of the house and said he was going on a drive with his friend Sam and getting high. Little did I know how high he would get. The last thing he said to me was, "When I come back I hope you will have developed some compassion for the critters who live in my hair." But I never saw him again. I thought he had left me. Oh! How could I
ever have doubted him! Later I became a yuppie and married a stock broker.
But I will always hold the memories of Chester in my heart--even though
he smelled bad. From: Elfwingal Dohocker Sent: Oct. 22, 2004 Subject: Your publication is obscene and stupid Your disgusting Internet publication is a prime example of why the government should crack down and make your type of pornography illegal. Not only are you obscene, but your articles are stupid. They are written by stupid people for stupid people. Sincerely, From: Dr. Jeston McJetson, Sent: Oct. 23, 2004 Subject: Your Publication is hilarious and intellectually stimulating I just want to let you know that quite of few of the physicists here at MIT really enjoy your site. The clever satire challenges our brains in a way that can be as stimulating as some of our physics problems. Thanks and keep up the good work! Dr. Jeston McJetson, Professor, Physics MIT Cambridge, Massachusetts From: Ebeneezer Funkenstien Sent: July 26, 2004 Subject: Prince Albert In A Can Your article on Prince Albert In A Can crank calls was right on the money! I used to work in a tobacco store, but I had to quit after a few years because I couldn't take it anymore. Thanks for drawing attention to the stress that tobacco clerks face everyday. Ebeneezer Funkenstien New York, New York From: Hornbuckle LaTushov Sent: July 16, 2004 Subject: Clockmelter Your clockmelters are really hot. However, you call them clockmelters of the “month,” but it has been longer than a month before you put up a new clockmelter. Hornbuckle LaTushov Denver, Colorado These are the reasons why the clockmelters of the month last longer than a month (choose one): A) The girls are so hot we kept them around for more time. B) We can't keep track of the time. C) It is difficult to get women to take their clothes off and take their picture. So it takes more than a month of persuading. D) There are so many beautiful women begging to be Meltingclocktimes' clockmelter of the month that we can't decide who to pick, and that leads to inaction. E) All of the above. From: Dr. Tuko Titshay Sent: June 21, 2004 Subject: Challenging Intellectual Material I have a degree in Astrophysics from MIT and I find your publication one of the few that comes up to my standards for engaging the intellect and sophisticated higher thought. Thanks! Dr. Tuko Titshay Seattle, Washington From: Hector Labat Sent: June 5, 2004 Subject: Ronald Reagan On May 26 you published an article on how Arnold
Schwarzenegger is obsessed by Ronald Reagan. Today, ten days later
Reagan has died. Is there any connection? Although Reagan was senile, according to our sources Reagan would have occasional lapses of clarity and go online and read the New York Times and Meltingclocktimes.com. Reagan apparently read the article on Schwarzenegger's obsessions and became distressed knowing that such a nut case was governor of California. The stress may have weakened his immune system and hastened his death. Sorry Reagan fans if we brought on Reagan's death, but we will never shy away from printing the news as we see it. From: Mildred Sent: May 29, 2004 Subject: Depravity of Modern Culture I am one of the few senior women who are adept on the computer and after
I have seen your site I wish I was computer illiterate like my friends.
I don't know how you got pictures of our fine President
in women's clothing, but how dare you insult our President like that!
You people are vile, indecent, pornographic and despicable! From: Bulldog Sent: March 27, 2004 Subject: Cat Soccer What is wrong with you people???? Try helping the problems in the world
instead of creating more. It's people like you that are part of the mess
the world has become. STUPID STUPID STUPID!!!! From: Rocko Sent: April 26, 2004 Dear Letter Scrutinizer, From: Herbert Sent: May 3, 2004 Congratulations on an excellent new publication. With informative news
stories and beautiful nude women you will probably undercut the circulations
of publications like the New York Times and Playboy. From: JSchemp Sent: April 16, 2004 Subject: Advanced Horticulture Meltingclocktimes.com is the stupidest god damned crap I ever read in my life. But I like it. Joe Schemp Hoboken, Oregon From: LarryF Sent: April 22, 2004 Wow! Only now after reading Meltingclocktimes.com do I consider myself
an informed, enlightened citizen. I never knew noses
could be so sexy or that gays are
safe from vampires. I had been wondering why strange
chickens were following me around. Your article on the subject was
the only one anywhere that brought attention to this important matter.
From: Bigo Sent: April 28, 2004 Subject: Mad Cow Scare A Plot By Aliens Who Are Sexually Attracted To Cows Dear Editor,
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