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What the hell is the Meltingclocktimes.com?

Meltingclocktimes.com is a leading internet publication providing sophisticated news and intrigue. No other publication offers such intellectually stimulating news on diverse topics like, botched nose jobs, sexually perverted space aliens, and mutating tomatoes and chickens. While other publications may have Elvis sightings news Meltingclocktimes.com was the first (and so far only) publication that has unearthed evidence that Frank Sinatra is still alive also.

Who is behind the Meltingclocktimes.com publication?

Meltingclocktimes.com has a staff of 500 full time corespondents and investigative journalists, 50 graphic artists and photographers. The chief editor, writer, photographer, web designer, and janitor Brian Friedkin is ruthless. His standards are so high that as of today, , he has rejected every single piece that the staff has submitted and produced himself everything on the web site.

Your advertising is very unobtrusive and easy on the eyes. Is it true that you rejected several big paying advertisers because you didn't want them defacing your web site?

Yes, we have rejected advertisements from Microsoft, Apple, General Motors, The Committee to Re(?)elect George Bush, United Airlines and others because they insisted on using those flashing advertisements that irritate your eyes and distract you from the page content. Meltingclocktimes.com will never have flashing advertisements. Nor will we ever have one of those goddamned pop-ups.

Is it true that many world leaders, like the President of the US, members of the US Congress, Democratic Presidential candidates and many CEOs read Meltingclocktimes.com to keep abreast of issues that mainstream publications might miss?

Yes.

You used to have articles once or twice a week. Now sometimes a month goes by with no new articles. Why is this?

Inferior publications like the New York Times fabricate things just for putting up regularly scheduled articles. We will publish stories only when the interest warrants it, not to keep a schedule. In the mean time if you want to read more remember history repeats itself. Everything on the Meltingclocktimes will happen again and you probably haven't read all of the 75+ exclusive articles available on this site.

Whatever happened to the Clockmelter?

Getting women to take off their clothes is hard work and costly. And why should the Meltingclocktimes.com provide something you can find at a million other web sites? However, if any women want to model for less than $100 we may still post a new clockmelter. So we are keeping the clockmelter button for possible future models and in case Hillary Clinton takes us up on our offer to pose nude for $29.95.(link) You can find past clockmelter pages by clicking on the past articles page.

I am a sexy woman and I would like to model for your distinguished publication. How do I contact you?
Click on the email page.

Who writes these FAQ that you see on almost every web site? Is it the same person?

Yes. There are only a few of us. We go around and write these things for just about every web site. I was always very inquisitive as a child and asked too many questions. So when the Internet came around and so many companies and organizations had a need for FAQs I found the job that was just perfect for me.

Do you write the questions, or do you write the answers, or both?

I only write the questions. Another guy goes around to all the web sties and writes the answers.

I don't understand. How could you have just answered that question if you only ask the questions?

You should know. You just answered the question for me.

I would never answer that, because it was a stupid question. The person who would ask it would have to know the answer. And how would I know what you think unless we are the same person? This is so crazy that I think we must be the same person. I am right aren't I?

I am sorry, but I can't answer your question because I only ask questions. It is not my job to answer. That's your job, so answer it yourself.

If you want to get technical about it, you just answered me saying you will not answer. We must be the same person, because you can't even keep straight who is asking and who is answering.

Bullshit. You are the one who can't keep straight who is asking and answering the questions, not me. Excuse me, it wasn't me who can't keep things straight, right?

That wasn't even a question!

Here's a question for you: Why don't you shut up and go wait in the car?

How can I go wait in the car if we are the same person?

It is my job to ask questions, so quit taking my work. Excuse me. Shouldn't you quit taking my work?

Why don't you go wait in the car?

So you agree that we are two different people now?

No, we could be schizophrenic.