Thought Provoking, Insightful News & Analysis

Breaking News! Wednesday, January, 17, 2007!
Punk Band Singles Out Geeks In Audience And

This photo is from The Flaming Balls spring '04 tour when Frank Sinatra headed the band. We have no photos of the recent line-up due to our photographer getting kicked out of the show.

Refuses To Play Until They Leave
Edwin Feeberbaum used to like the punk band, The Flaming Balls. That is until he went to one of their shows. The group came out on stage playing. The audience was screaming. Then after just five seconds the lead singer waved his band to quit playing and yelled, “Stop! Stop!” He pointed to Feeberbaum and said, “I cannot sing with a geek like that in the audience. We will not play until that geek leaves.”

Feeberbaum just stood there and said, “I am not leaving. I paid for my ticket.”

“Oh my god! That voice! Who sold a ticket to him? Fire them!” said the singer.

The band members just stood there with their arms folded and the singer said, “We refuse to play with any geeks in the audience. And we are not going to just stand here forever.”

Others in the crowd yelled at Feeberbaun, “Get out of here geek!” Finally a big audience member grabbed Feeberbaum's arm and dragged out the door as he yelled, “I want my money back!”

“Please don't give him his money back,” said the singer, “he just wasted our time. He should be charged double.”

The band started to play again. But after twenty seconds the bass player waved his hand singling the band to stop. “I am sorry, but I cannot play with that geek over there with the stupid hat. Either he leaves or we quit.”

“Oh yeah,” added the singer. “That sideways baseball hat is so stupid looking. Get him out of here!”

“I'll take the hat off,” said the man. “I don't even like it that much anyway.”

“No way,” said the bass player. “You were stupid enough to put it on in the first place. And besides that, you are still ugly and dumb looking without it.” The bass player turned to the audience and pointed his finger. “Now we are not playing until that geek gets out of here.” The audience yelled and threw things at the guy until he left.

Finally the band played. But not a night on The Flaming Balls recent tour goes by when they don't kick out at least a few geeks. Some nights are worse. Last Thursday in Minneapolis the band barely started and the lead singer quit singing, singled the band to stop and said, “What a bunch of geeks out here.” He looked around at the audience and added, “What a miserable flock of dweebs you guys are.”

“Oh my, what geeks here. But I like her,” the guitar player said pointing at a girl in the audience.

“Why don't we just leave these idiots here and take the girl to our hotel and play for her there,” said the singer.

“Good idea,” said the bass player. “I am certainly not lowering myself to play for these geeks. Let's go.”

The band members packed up their things and the guitar player signaled the girl and said, “Come on honey, we're leaving.” The girl jumped up on stage and left with them.

The audience stood there dumbfounded and many thought it was joke. As they were walking away someone in the audience said, “We want our money back!”

The singer shot back, “You fucking geeks don't deserve to get your money back. You wasted our time. You'll be lucky if we don't sue you all.”

The drummer blurted out, “What pathetic geeks. You want your money back? We should have charged even more. I wouldn't demean myself to play for them for even a million bucks.”

Meltingclocktimes.com CEO Brian Friedkin got himself kicked out of a recent Flaming Balls concert because of his stupid mustache.

The Flaming Balls tour recently led them to Hoboken, Oregon near the Meltingclocktimes.com mansion. The Flaming Balls came out playing to a screaming crowd. Much of the Meltingclocktimes.com staff was in attendance and saw the band abruptly stop playing after a mere 20 seconds.

The singer blurted out, “I cannot sing with that guy over there with that stupid mustache. We will not play until he leaves.”

Little did he know that he was singling out the international celebrity, founder, CEO and janitor of the Meltingclocktimes.com publishing empire, Brian Friedkin. Mr. Friedkin replied, “I cannot help having this mustache—I was born with it.”

The bass player blurted out, “That mustache is so incredibly stupid and I also will not play as long as he stays here. What the fuck happened? Are you the illegitimate offspring of Frank Zappa and Salvador Dali?”

After they kicked out several other geeks The Flaming Balls put on their show. According to almost everyone we asked who didn't get kicked out The Flaming Balls have really gone downhill. They are now playing some of the worst ear screeching music ever performed.