Startling New Scientific Discovery:

Man Did Not Evolve From Apes, Mankind Evolved From A Cat Who Fucked A Sheep

–All men have a common ancestor who is the result of a cat fucking a sheep

Man, sheep or cat? Paleontologists say this is the missing link.
Man, sheep or cat? Paleontologists say this is the missing link.

Scientists at a Hoboken, Oregon University have discovered evidence that man evolved from a mating of a sheep and a cat, not from apes. The evidence, which seems absurd at first and flies in the face of long held established theories is turning the scientific community and evolutionary biology upside-down. Yale biologist Dr. Zergvried Mousenfrahzer said, “After I looked at the seemingly preposterous evidence of the cat fucking the sheep theory I found it quite convincing –I had to rethink many of my assumptions about human evolution.”

A group of Hoboken, Oregon University researchers pulled together an array of fossils from Africa and other continents finding many links of the cat/sheep thing and humans. But the thing that is really convincing scientists are the logical arguments that human behavior came down from cats and sheep and still underlies the psychology of man today. For example, the concept of, “Suspended Adolescence,” makes the case that cats form bonds with humans because they depend on humans for food and shelter. Cat owners become a mother to the animals. The cats are in a perpetual state of adolescence. Adolescence is a stage of life that is dependent but rebellious at the same time. Cats are dependent for food but at the same time we have phrases like, “You can’t herd cats.” Like young teens cats defy authority, and wander around on their own as if they are free and independent. But when they are hungry they reappear and whine like a baby. Likewise young teens develop attitudes that defy their parents: they wear clothes and listen to music that their parents don’t like. I was out in the MCT mansion botanical garden with my neighbor and his twelve year old son. My neighbor mentioned he doesn’t like cucumbers. His son typically jotted off many foods he didn’t like but said cucumbers was one of his favorites!

Not far from Hoboken Oregon, in Springfield, on 5th Street near downtown someone put a big sign in their Window, “We are doomed because we can’t work together for the common good.” Why can’t we work together? Because like our progenitor, the cat, humans don’t experience just an early teen stage of adolescence, humans are in perpetual adolescence. Take for example, the Glen Beck Tea Party rally –>

in Washington a few weeks back. Glen Beck, like Rush Limbaugh before him, goes on adolescent rants against the authority of the President and the party in power–the Democrats. Limbaugh did the same when Clinton was in power. Both Presidents, however, are nearly indistinguishable from Republicans. Clinton reformed welfare and eliminated government regulation of the financial industry. Obama’s financial team comes from Clinton team. Obama has continued Bush financial bailouts, and wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. The big banks that were, “too big to fail” are even bigger now. The government is not breaking up the banks–and if that is not a Tea Party mantra in action of big government not meddling in peoples’ lives–in this case bankers’ lives–what is? Beck and the Tea Party movement are just rebellious adolescents. But what is the sheep influence? All of the whining, dissident adolescents who think they’re more moral and have superior values than the liberals all flock to Washington to march at Beck’s beckoning like sheep. This is sure proof that people are descendant from a cat who fucked a sheep.

Even the health-care bill that the Tea Partyers see as a massive government program is more of a big health insurance conglomerate continuation with government enforcement of participation. Why no protest against health insurance monopolies? Because the Tea Party has no logic, it is only an outlet for adolescent rebellion against daddy and authority–which is a mostly an imaginary bogeyman hate object labeled as big government.

But humans to the left of the Tea Party also demonstrate that they’re descendants of a cat who fucked a sheep. Gay folks are a minority who are really different. Recent years of more social acceptance have led gays to come out of the closet, rebel, and be more open about who they are. But instead of embracing their uniqueness as a truly different kind of person many want to get married! Hence the sheep influence to be just like all the other sheep.

What about hippies and deadheads? You defy normal people by listening to different music, your hair is in a pony tail. Instead of wearing normal people clothes you wear a tied-dyed shirt. You defiantly smoke marijuana. You think you are superior just like Glen Beck and his folks. But you are in a cult–there are many others just like you. You are just an alternative sheep. More proof of a cat who fucked a sheep.

Everywhere in America people are isolated in their little cubbyholes of herd ideology that are based on adolescent rebellion. Sheep herds of religious fanatics that rebel against the evil gays and abortionists and “morally inferior secular humanists.” Drug addicts who rebel against normal life and become a sheep to their drug dependence. Global warming deniers who instead of making arguments against the science defy global warming advocates like they’re UFO nuts or creationists–very adolescent behavior. Conspiracy theorists who defy the ignorant masses and know the “truth” about all sorts of plots. Isn’t it adolescent to think you know better than your daddy? No wonder with all of these whining adolescents we can’t get together to work for the common good. Because with freedom comes responsibility. And in America, land of the offspring of the cat who fucked the sheep, the adolescents are ranting and no one is taking responsibility and fixing the fucked up financial system gambling casino with the banks too big to fail still gaming the system. We didn’t really fix the major cause of bankruptcy in the country–the health-care system. The giant parasite health insurance conglomerates will still be around. We still have an enormous military budget and government debt to the tune of $43,000 /person. We’ve sent our industry to China. We are slaves to cars and the oil to run them has reached peak and accounts for half the trade deficit. Did I mention the high unemployment?

And what about all the adolescent MCT readers that rebel against everyone? You expect a bunch of whining, rebelling adolescents to agree on fixing anything? Of course we’re doomed.

The Man Did Not Evolve From Apes, Mankind Evolved From A Cat Who Fucked A Sheep Table

You will see we have much more in common with cats and sheep–almost nothing in common with apes.

 

Humans

Cats

Sheep

Apes

Wear wool coats:

yes

no

yes

no

Wear fur coats

yes

yes

no

no

Like to get licked

yes

yes

?

no

Cowboys like sex with them

yes

?

yes

no

Live in trees

no

no

no

yes

Live in many climates

yes

yes

yes

No, mainly in tropics

Domesticated

yes

yes

yes

no

Intelligence

low

low

low

high

Quality of food

poor–fast food

poor–cat food

poor–grass

good–bananas

Suspended adolescence

yes

yes

?

no

Live on farms

yes

yes

yes

no

Cut their hair

yes

no

yes, get sheared

no

Come in many colors, black, white & brown

yes

yes

yes

no

 

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