Even though we are big winter sports enthusiasts here at MCT we did not watch much of the winter Olympics. The MCT mansion in Hoboken, Oregon is just down the road from a fantastic ski area, Willamette Pass. So we are there often engaged in winter sports, not on our asses watching other people doing it. Also because MCT CEO Brian Friedkin has a low tolerance for stupid shit there is no TV in the MCT mansion.
We only saw the Olympics when we went to bars that had TVs up on the walls. But there are other reasons why none of us went out of our way to watch the Olympics. MCT CEO Brain Friedkin, an avid skier himself, went into a bar and saw on the screen guys pushing a big tea kettle down the ice with other guys cleaning the floor with brooms. He stated the obvious, “That curling shit is not a sport.” The Olympics are full of things that are not sports. For example, the
ice skating routines–that is not a sport, it is dancing.
So what is a sport? Is it a physical activity and competition that has a danger element? Who knows? Who cares about defining it? Anyone who was ever in college probably had to sit through a very tedious discussion in some class at sometime about, “What is art?” A discussion about what is a sport is also tedious –so everyone should shut up about this. We will say that, like pornography and art, you know it when you see it. And we don’t see it with this ice capades shit and pushing tea kettles on the ice. So instead of offending you ice dancing and tea kettle pushing fetishists out there we have a plan that will make these activities a sport. All you need to do is change around the rules a little. And won’t the tea kettle shuffle boarders on ice and ice capade dancers feel uplifted when even nose smashed hockey puck swinging athletes rank them as ice sportsmen like themselves?
So here is the MCT plan on how to make curling and ice dancing into a sport:
You put each event right on a bobsled course. If they do their ice skating, tea kettle pushing thing and avoid the bobsled they get points. We say put it all together and make it like a three ring circus. It is entertainment isn’t it? You can even have some of the ski races jump over the ice capders and curlers on their course. If the ski racers can hit them in the head give them extra pints also. Wouldn’t that improve the Olympics in 2014? Russians, take heed!