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Breaking News! Monday, Sept. 27, 2004!
Nerds Plotting To Take Over The World!

This unidentified nerd may be the next president not just of the US, but the world!

Exclusive Meltingclocktimes.com expose!

The contest for President of the US is in full swing and everyone is wondering who will be the leader of the most powerful country in the world. Meltingclocktimes.com has learned that the leader of the US may be neither George Bush, nor John Kerry. Through the Meltingclocktimes.com secret nerd sources we have learned that a highly organized group of nerds is planning to take over the world. How they plan to do it is not clear but our sources alluded that they will commandeer the world's computer systems by employing the mother of all hacking attacks. This hack attack of the nerds will give them control of everything from banks to the New York Stock Exchange to the Pentagon.

“We will be at their mercy if they succeed,” says a CIA international conspiracy specialist agent Beford McDickens. “They will be able to shut down the entire world economy.”

Little is known about how big this group of Nerds bent on world domination is, and who they are, but they have made clear some of the demands they will be enacting:

•Thick glasses and pencils in front pocket will be mandatory.
•All sporting events will be outlawed except for video games.
•The United Nations will be converted to Star Trek convention hall.
•Computer programmers, not doctors, will be the highest paid and most respected people
•Computer illiterate people will be sent to camps or prison
•High pitch nasal voices will be mandatory

“It used to be that nerds bent on world domination were not much of a threat,” said CIA agent McDickens, “because they were so easy to beat up. Nowadays it's a different ballgame. Modern weapon systems, from missiles to tanks, are operated with elaborate computer interfaces. You do not need to be strong and tough to persevere in war anymore. You need to be adept at computers. The greatest modern warriors are no longer strong sword or gun yielding fighters. Todays greatest warriors are button pushing computer nerds. For this reason we have opened the door to a hostile nerd coup de tau. So much of the world, from banking systems, to the electrical grid is based on computer systems. The evil nerds have discovered if they commandeer the world's computer systems they will control everything.”

This unknown nerd, and others like him, may appear harmless. Don't let that fool you--they are angry and bent on world domination!

“We can only hope that the computer nerds, if they are successful in their world takeover, are not violent or ruthless as other tyrannical military and economic conquerers have been.” says terrorism expert Willie Yebluter. “We can only hope that since they are nerds they will be squeamish when it comes to actual bloody force. Nerds do favor messing around on computers more then engaging in the real world, and warfare is an all too real activity. If the specific nerds who are attempting this takeover are removed from the real violence they engage in as if they were in the ultimate computer game we may be out of luck. But if it gets too real for them they could revert to their techno dream world and we may be spared the nerds aggression.”

Other terrorism experts are more alarmed. “I think we could see some devastating carnage and blood from these evil nerds,” says a University of Washington terrorism expert Dr. Itold Uamama. “These nerds are really tired of getting picked on, women shunning them and awkwardness in social settings. I think they are out for revenge and it will not be pretty.”

Government officials are on the alert for geeks and nerds who may have infiltrated the Pentagon, banking system offices and computer networking hubs. “This nerd threat, coupled with the terrorist threat is really taxing the homeland security network,” says homeland security official Jellid Tutubutts. “I urge all citizens to be on alert and report all suspicious nerd activities to the FBI and other government officials.”