The President showed a penchant for red dresses and put
A prominent surgeon from the Hoboken, Oregon Medical Institute, Dr. Midros Hienzmucker has perfected a revolutionary way of ending world hunger. Dr. Hienzmucker crafted an operation that transplants a goat stomach into a human stomach. The human recipient with the added goat stomach can then eat grass, or even paper–anything that a goat can eat and digest it. Furthermore the enzymes in the goat stomach process the grass carbohydrates into energy giving nutrition.
“This is a development that has the power to transform the world,” says humanitarian Edzel Frustrawhip. “Dr. Hienzmuckers foresight may create a future world without hunger and make possible
Mildred Felkelstien is a retired school teacher who one day went out for a simple bus ride across town to visit her daughter. The bus ride turned into a three year hell after she accidentally sat on some gum and couldn’t get up from the seat. What follows is Mrs. Felkelstien’s own words in an exclusive interview with Meltingclocktimes.com of how she survived, how she failed to get people to help her, and how she eventually freed herself:
“It all started when I unknowingly sat on some gum that some dirty kid must have spit out. When I tried to get up to get off at my stop I couldn’t get up. Maybe it was some powerful glue that someone put there as a joke–I don’t know– because it held me with a powerful force. Perhaps some construction worker sat there and spilled some heavy duty adhesive. I missed my stop and I was moving around juggling to get up. People just looked at me like I had to pee or something and wouldn’t help me. Finally exhausted I sat back down. When other passengers would sit next to me I would say, ‘Can you help me? I am stuck. Do you have a
(Originally published in spring 08 before she dropped out of the presidential race. After she dropped out we reduced our offer to $19.95.)
A Person lies dead in a morgue and his finger nails and hair continue to grow. A chicken with his head cut off runs around. Scientists say electrical energy in nerves make it possible for a headless chicken to run around. But human nerve structure is much more complicated than in a chicken. Could a disease attack a human’s brain, or can an arterial blockage kill the higher functions of the brain and leave reptilian motor functions of the brain intact? Then suppose that electrical nerve impulses move muscles in the brain dead human that mimic higher brain functions? For example, speech or driving a car? These are questions being raised in a landmark study by Dr. Ziegfried Yoddlebucker. Dr. Yoddlebucker tested the brain waves in thousands of people and found that nothing is there in perhaps 50% of the population. Yoddlebucker has discovered, that remarkably, half the people in the United States may actually be dead even though they appear to be alive and functioning. Although Dr. Yoddlebucker’s findings are controversial many scientists conclude that it does explain a lot of behavior among people that does not seem to include thought.
Scientists have discovered that many activities do not require higher brain processes. People with severe brain damage can drive a car, go shopping or even
“This is the most fantastic news I ever heard,” exclaimed Sinatra Biographer Helmut Verstien. “We can only hope that unlike Elvis Presley, the Chairman will get tired of not being in the limelight and resume his singing career.”
Others were ecstatic with the news that Sinatra is doing well. “I came here to Graceland because I love Elvis,” said 74 year old New Jersey tourist George Dashyevsky. “But not only did I see Elvis himself, I saw Frank Sinatra also! Can you believe that? Wow!”
A growing number of doctors and medical care experts have reached the conclusion that many patients who have died or are dying are not really sick or even dead, but that they suffer from a severe form of hypochondria.
“The theory, which seems absurd at first, makes a lot of sense when you examine the arguments,” says Mayo clinic medical researcher Dr. Velstien Vertboots. “A lot of people think because they are old they must die. But the human body even in old age is very resilient and has amazing healing powers. It is only people’s attitudes that make them feeble, sick and dead. Death is mostly a psychological problem and then many people thrive on the attention they get while dying. Many deceased people are actually healthy.
Restaurants in Italian sections of cities across America that have advertised “Low Carb” are getting windows broken out and thugs are beating up “low carb” chefs. Panic is sweeping through the restaurant industry. I called up my friend Luigi. Luigi is in the thick of the underworld. If something is going on Luigi gives me the scope. Luigi and I met at our favorite Italian restaurant. This place served traditional Italian food, so it suffered no vandalism like other places on the street. We sat down at the red checkered table and
MCT is on a literacy campaign. Don’t be an ignorant illiterate who only looks at the pictures and scans the headlines. Read a whole article!