A MCT Public Service Campaign:
Unless you’ve been in a cave for the last several years you have probably heard the phrase, “Friends don’t let friends drive drunk.” We at MCT thought if so many people are too stupid to know not to get plastered and race around in a car they are also too stupid to know not to do many other things. Their friends should not limit their intervention with only drunk driving. So here is the MCT public service campaign, “Friends Don’t Let Friends…”
Not only do we have a slick message for, “Friends Don’t Let Friends Drive Drunk.” We
also have banners and catchy jingles for, “Friends don’t let friends talk”; “Friends don’t let friends vote”; “Friends don’t let friends go out on the street”; “Friends don’t let friends go to law school”; and “Friends don’t let friends fuck.”
Friends Don’t Let Friends Drive Drunk
You are stupid and a fool
You don’t know a car at your shit faced command
Is a dangerous tool
I will take the keys from your hand
I’ll find a tub of ice water and give your a head a dunk
Friends Don’t Let Friends Drive Drunk
Startling New Scientific Discovery:
Scientists at a Hoboken, Oregon University have discovered evidence that man evolved from a mating of a sheep and a cat, not from apes. The evidence, which seems absurd at first and flies in the face of long held established theories is turning the scientific community and evolutionary biology upside-down. Yale biologist Dr. Zergvried Mousenfrahzer said, “After I looked at the seemingly preposterous evidence of the cat fucking the sheep theory I found it quite convincing –I had to rethink many of my assumptions about human evolution.”
A group of Hoboken, Oregon University researchers pulled together an array of fossils from Africa and other continents finding many links of the cat/sheep thing and humans. But the thing that is really convincing scientists are the logical arguments that human behavior came down from cats and sheep and still underlies the psychology of man today. For example, the concept of, “Suspended Adolescence,” makes the case that cats form bonds with humans because they depend on humans for food and shelter. Cat owners become a mother to the animals. The cats are in a perpetual state of adolescence. Adolescence is a stage of life that is dependent but rebellious at the same time. Cats are dependent for food but at the same time we have phrases like, “You can’t herd cats.” Like young teens cats defy authority, and wander around on their own as if they are free and independent. But when they are hungry they reappear and whine like a baby. Likewise young teens develop attitudes that defy their parents: they wear clothes and listen to music that their parents don’t like. I was out in the MCT mansion botanical garden with my neighbor and his twelve year old son. My neighbor mentioned he doesn’t like cucumbers. His son typically jotted off many foods he didn’t like but said cucumbers was one of his favorites!
Not far from Hoboken Oregon, in Springfield, on 5th Street near downtown someone put a big sign in their Window, “We are doomed because we can’t work together for the common good.” Why can’t we work together? Because like our progenitor, the cat, humans don’t experience just an early teen stage of adolescence, humans are in perpetual adolescence. Take for example, the Glen Beck Tea Party rally
You think all would have turned out OK. But one hungry vampire got delirious on a popular nature trail just outside of town. The vampire was so hungry and out of it he that he mistook a tree for a neck and bit into it. Now as people venture out on the nature trail they are getting attacked by this now vampire tree.
“It is just terrible,” said Hoboken, Oregon resident Eloaod Mapupinziod, “You can’t go anywhere in the state park outside town there because no one is really sure exactly just where that tree is. And no one wants to get a surprise attack
Vampires are very active in parts of the country. Vampires in Hoboken, Oregon have been so active that local hospitals put out an alert that there is a blood shortage.
“We put out the message to the media, the Red Cross, and other organizations that we have a dangerously low supply of blood,” said Sacred Thumping Heart Hospital spokesman Dr. Gerson Heeblehoot. “We got hundreds of people to donate blood, but it still wasn’t enough.
“Due to vampire activity here there are just too many blood deficient, sick and weak people unfit to contribute blood,” added Dr. Heeblehoot. “We thought there was nothing we could do and that we were headed for a crisis. But just then the vampires themselves, in the spirit of community, went on a fast to help out the local health situation.”
“People think that just because we suck blood that we do not want to help out our community,” said local vampire Vladimir Rosapsescu. “You know, many vampires have children in local schools and are involved in
I asked Melinda Goldbukeroos who flanked the left of a heavyweight, poorly dressed coventioneer who was a head shorter than her, why she was attending the convention, “Oh, I just love these guys. They are so down to earth and they don’t try and impress you by throwing money all over because they don’t have any. So you are just down to the essentials.”
LaTusha, who flanked the same fat guy on the right said,
Many paleontologists are coming to the conclusion that dinosaurs went extinct because they were gay. According to MIT scientist Dr. Irwin McCorynouat, “There is a growing body of paleontological evidence of widespread dinosaur homosexuality. Apparently many dinosaur species lack of interest in the opposite sex led to a reproduction decline that led to their demise.”
Although some scientists still believe a cataclysmic event such as a comet or climate change killed off the dinosaurs several fossil sites are throwing a monkey wrench into old theories. In a recent University of Montana dig researchers found two male dinosaur skeletons who died together in a loving embrace. Researchers are seeing simular gay entwined fossil positions at paleontological sites world wide. Paleontologists have unearthed several dinosaur species, such as the megasaurass and the lickalotapus, in various locations engaged in homosexual activities.
According to Dr. McCorynouat, “Scientists
MCT has no Facebook page.
MCT has no Twitter page.
MCT has no Myspace page.
Fuck Facebook, Fuck Twitter and Fuck Myspace.
–But Bad Taste Is Still Thriving
The generation born before WW II had terrible taste. Tuna casserole, fast food, suburbia, all are inventions of that generation. Plastic flowers, plastic floors and counters, were all non existent before these people existed. They have parted their warped values down to the younger generations–but not all have lasted. The last woman who had a plastic pink flamingo in her yard and wasn’t even joking about it has died.
“It is hard to say stuff bad about this generation because they survived the depression, and fought WW II. But something must have been in the air that made people go nuts. What would compel someone to put a plastic pink flamingo in their yard and not even be joking?” wondered philosopher Ellvord Stikenbuberoo. “After WW II everything started going to hell–the only thing that improved really was race relations in the US. Just look pre WW II photos. Americans were well dressed. Most buildings were well designed and aesthetically pleasing. The plastic pink flamingo generation came up with polyester leisure suits. Another thing this generation came up with is Naugahyde–fake plastic leather. Why would anyone in their right mind make or
Pollution Free Technology Will Revolutionize The World
Engineer Rufus Thornburt might not be a household name yet, but Thornburt and some alternative energy innovators believe one day he will be as rich and famous as Bill Gates. Rufus Thornburt has invented an innovative but simple way of producing electricity. It causes no pollution and the energy will be too cheap to meter.
Thornburt explains, “It’s based on the concept of, ‘What happens when ya’ stick a beer can in water? It rises to the top.’ You tie the beer cans on a wheel and put it in water. The wheel is connected to a turbine.”
When Thornburt gets confronted with questions like, “What about the laws of physics that explain perpetual motion machines as a physical impossibility?”–He replies: “Lookie here! I am an Engineer with a degree from a reputable correspondence school. People told Thomas Edison all the things he invented were impossibilities too! We don’t need those negative attitudes around here!”
Thornburt told about the difficulties implementing his beer can technology and the history of it: “I came up with this here invention going back
A new fashion craze is sweeping the nation. Fashion conscious people are displaying their dead grandparents in their living rooms. Many people are disgusted and appalled at the new fashion, and health authorities are warning people that having a rotting corpse in your house may be unhealthful. But many people are in love with their new conversation pieces and many interior decorating magazines and web sites are raving about the trend.
“Having a relative die now is less painful,” says interior designer Brucey Tuchoos, “because at least you get a fantastic opportunity to use the corpse to make a striking fashion statement in your living room décor.”
Many people are taking their dead relatives to taxidermists, who