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February 2005 (In
January Meltingclocktimes.com was on a winter vacation.)
A
Tribute To A Great American, Doris Dashe. 1907-2005.
Short, Bald, Fat Guy
In New Jersey Controls The World
Man
Trying To Break World's Record By Singing “10,000,000 Bottles Of
Beer On The Wall” Shot To Death By Wife
Giant Publication
Weekly World News Rips Off Meltingclocktimes.com
December 2004
Jehovah
Witnesses & Mormons In Major Turf Wars Over Door to Door Trafficking
Sandy,
Clockmelter of the Month!
VW Hippie Van With Hippie Skeletons Collides Into
International Space Station
November
2004
Whipped Cream Factory
Explodes, Entire Town Buried Under Whipped Cream
Nothing like it since Mt. Vesuvius buried Pompeii in the ancient Roman
empire.
October 2004
Headless
People Terrorizing Cities And Towns Across The Nation!
A shocking update to Washington Irving's
Headless Horseman!
Meet Kim, Clockmelter
of the Month! Perhaps you'll never see a more
beautiful woman!
Rich
Wackos Using Poor People For Furniture
Frank Sinatra Controlling
The Mafia's Assault On Low Carb Restaurants *see
related Sept article.
September 2004
-Chickens &
Other Birds Attacking Cell Phone Users!
-Judith!
Clockmelter Of The Month! Judith
is so hot that she melted our clock and cooked a pizza just by looking
at it!
-Saddam Hussein Has
Escaped!
-Mafioso
Thugs Terrorizing “Low Carb” Restaurants Italian
Food Lovers Claim “Low Carb” Trend Is Terrorizing Good Food
*related Oct. article above
-Nerds Plotting To
Take Over The World!
July 2004 (In August
Meltingclocktimes was on vacation.)
-Multi-Racial,
Multi-Ethnic Patriotic Couple Gives Birth To Red, White And Blue Baby
Breaking Fourth of July Patriotic News!
-John
Kerry Mistakenly Does Not Take Meltingclocktimes.com Readers' Advice And
Taps John Edwards for VP Running Mate John
Edwards Had Electro-Shock Therapy On Genitals
-Saddam Hussein
And Osama Bin Laden Have Transplanted Their Brains
Terrorists Getting Brain Transplants To Avoid Hi-Tech Identity
Methods
-Hospital
Mess Up: Sex Change Patient Mixed Up With Nose Job Patient
-New Traveling
Circus To Feature Lions Versus Christians As In Roman Times
June 2004
-Perverts
Molesting Vacuum Cleaners, A Growing Problem For Appliance Stores And
Law Enforcement Agencies
-New
Milestone: Tobacco Store Receives 10,000,000th Prince Albert In A Can
Crank Call Popular
Prince Albert tobacco has made life hell for tobacco store clerks.
-Meet Sandy, The New
Clockmelter Of The Month!
-Meltingclocktimes.com Recommendations For John
Kerry's Vice Presidential Running Mate. Help advise Kerry and
vote for your choice.
-New
Talking Toilet Offending Users. Toilets Attempt Toilet Humor and Everyone
Isn't Laughing
-Meltingclocktimes.com Apologizes For Hastening
Reagan's Death
-Parents Using Butt Plugs
On Babies To Keep From Having To Change Diapers
May
2004
-Cure Found For Baldness –Saddam
Hussein's Spider Hole. Halliburton gets contract to administer
hair growth resort in the hole
-Schwarzenegger
Obsessed, Haunted By Reagan, Driven to Outdo Him
-New
Sport Craze: Pin The Tail On The Donkey With A Live Donkey And A Nail
Gun
-Gorilla
Living In The White House!
-Plan To Increase The Speed Limit To 100
MPH Will Cut Traffic Congestion
-Disgruntled Factory
Worker Puts Super Glue In Condoms, Thousands Of Couples Stuck Together
-Meet Angel,
The First Clockmelter Of The Month! She's nice, she's sexy, she's
intelligent, she's a beauty and she doesn't have much clothes on!
April 2004
-Mad Cow Scare A Plot
By Aliens Who Are Sexually Attracted To Cows
-Frank
Sinatra Touring Incognito As A Singer With Punk Rock Band
-Fat People Wanted, To Nest New
Super Eggs!
-Bush Throws
Wild Transvestite Ball In White House
-Porno Sites That Cater To Nose Fetishists
Raking In Millions
-Aerosol Pork:
The Ultimate Weapon Against Islamic Terrorists
March 2004
-Extraterrestrials
Planting Bugs In Chickens
-New Sport Craze: Live
Cat Soccer Animal Rights Advocates Outraged
-God Sends Johnny Cash To Play In Prison
Hell Circuit
-Hippie
Convention Convenes In San Fransisco
-Porno Movies Going
Overboard?
-Gay
Population Skyrocketing Due To Vampire Aversion
-Rebellious
Teens Find New Way To Piss Off Parents: They
Stop Bathing
-Aliens
Give Up On Plot To Take Over Earth Because, "Earthlings All Look
Alike" It
would be too confusing
February 2004, Debut month!
-New Craze In
Cuisine For The Rich: Mashed
Donkey Brains!
Mouthwatering
News!
-The Next Big Thing:
Dwarf Tossing!
-Frank Sinatra
Still Alive! Seen With Elvis Presley Fans elated!
-Tomatoes
Grow Legs Shoppers outraged!
-Fargo,
North Dakota Divided On Hosting Idiot Convention
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