Wednesday, 03 June 2009 08:00

Brian Friedkin

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Restaurant With Disgusting Menu Turning Away Crowds

Menu Items Include Unwashed Pig Anus, Mashed Donkey Brains, Savory Eye Balls, And Bull Penis Sautéed In Fish Guts

Restaurants are suffering in the current economic crisis. Some restaurants have tried substituting cheap rotten ingredients for fresh expensive ones in the hope that lower prices will attract dinners. These restaurants are finding that many people love the new rotten food and will even pay more for it. Elephant turd pate, dog vomit soup, cat brain in a creamy sauce of maggot infested rhino piss, maggot cheese with battery acid wine. These are just some of the menu items in a up town Manhattan restaurant that has to turn away people at the door—even in this economic climate. Other entrees include crunchy cockroach bits with dog drool sauce; Cat brain with a tangy elephant semen sauce; Sautéed monkey balls; Iguana gut stew.

According to Gourmet magazine editor Ciecil Boverooder, “Disgusting food is all the rage now. People just got tired of eating food that tasted good. They wanted something different. But not only did these gourmets get something different. These connoisseurs discovered a whole new world of delectable and unique flavors and tastes that go beyond the ordinary.”

Food writer Elber Totifumbut said, “The French have always had cuisine that make people from less sophisticated cultures squeamish. We think items like pickled orangutan toes, or smothered grasshopper brains are exquisite delicacies. It is a level of high culinary culture to attain to these refined foods and marks a progression in culture—at least among the people who have the fine taste to appreciate something like sautéed lizard guts.”

One enthusiast of the new cuisine said, “It is simply a cultural bias that makes something like mashed donkey brains objectionable. Why is it OK to eat a dirty weird bird like a chicken but not a donkey? And what is wrong with eating brains? They are a fantastic flavor sensation! Meanwhile no one thinks anything odd about eating a rump roast—the ass of a cow!”

Rubboard Hesvitdink, editor of Food Trends Weekly says. “I am not surprised by the success of disgusting food. Just look at the thousands of crappy fast food places that are doing a bang up business. Restaurants that try to serve good food in America usually go bankrupt—but bad food makes money.”

The head chef of The Mashed Donkey Brain restaurant Verber Istonutsfiled said, “We are experimenting with fantastic new food sensations that just a few years ago people would not have appreciated. It is great to see the public’s appreciation for this sophisticated cuisine. Today we are featuring pig anus roasted in a savory fermented chicken head sauce. The flavors are just delectable. The chicken beak and eye ball crunchy texture mixed with the pig anus elasticity are a delight you cannot savor in more traditional foods. And look, there is line forming outside the door already.”