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| Shocking
News! Tuesday, March 2, 2004: Rebellious Teens Find New Way To Piss Off Parents: They Stop Bathing |
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How do you rebel against open minded hippie parents that took drugs and experimented with all kinds of kinky sex? They are open and tolerant of all types of music and even seem to like rap. Well, thousands of these kids who grew up with liberal tolerant parents have finally found a new way to get at them. They have quit taking baths. One teen, whose liberal mother was once a Playboy bunny who couldn't be shocked by anything, has gone 7 weeks without a shower. These liberal parents have finally reached their limits and are locking the smelly kids out of the house. Schools are also getting to the breaking point with smelly kids now the fashion. One high school has even trapped a group of teens in a classroom and attacked them with a fire hose. But the teens are fighting back by rolling around in cow shit and making matters worse. “We got the right to dress or smell any way we want,” says teenager Belinda Wafhomeotov. “All our parents did stuff that their parents didn't like and we got the same right to do stuff that our parents don't like. It's a mater of freedom of expression-- and it's protected by the first amendment.” “If my friends and I like to smell bad that's our business,” says 17 year old Butch Nureinstien, “and if adults don't like it they could plug their noses or step back.” Many parents and educators disagree, “If kids want to dress bad that's their business,” says high school principal Belzer Scumblerock, “but if you refuse to bathe you are subjecting others to your foul oder. That's the same as spiting or blowing your nose on someone's shirt--and that is unacceptable behaviour.”“When I was young my father always bugged me to cut my hair,” says parent Selwyn Rockhead. “So as a parent I set out to be tolerant and open to my children's freedom of expression. But it is very difficult to live with a daughter who rolls around daily in dog shit as her mode of individual expression. I have tried to get her to go to counseling and mediation services to no avail.” 16 year old Jessica Rockhead quipped back at her parents, “My folks think they are so open minded, but subject them to a little dog shit soiled clothing and they turn into Nazis! The hypocrites! All the cool kids these days stink, and I'm not going to be a clean nerd just because my parents have sensitive noses.” Despite the older generation's disgust with the bad smell trend several clothing stores, including some national chains, are cashing in on the new fashion by selling unwashed used clothing. Also entrepreneurs are putting mega bucks into “scratch & sniff” web site technology. So it looks like smelling bad is a fashion that's going to be in the air for some time. Today's kid's may even outdo their bad smelling hippy parents for strongest stinking generation since the middle ages.
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