A prominent surgeon from the Hoboken, Oregon Medical Institute, Dr. Midros Hienzmucker has perfected a revolutionary way of ending world hunger. Dr. Hienzmucker crafted an operation that transplants a goat stomach into a human stomach. The human recipient with the added goat stomach can then eat grass, or even paper–anything that a goat can eat and digest it. Furthermore the enzymes in the goat stomach process the grass carbohydrates into energy giving nutrition.
“This is a development that has the power to transform the world,” says humanitarian Edzel Frustrawhip. “Dr. Hienzmuckers foresight may create a future world without hunger and make possible
the end of poverty.”
“If you think about it,” says Dr. Heinzucker, “humankind expends incredible labor and energy to feed grass and grain to fatten cows, chickens and other animals. Then we eat their meat, eggs and milk. This is very inefficient. Why don’t we just eat the grass ourselves?”
If enough poor people move lower down on the food chain the world would need less land for food production to feed teeming populations. That would ensure that rich countries like the United States could use the freed up agricultural land for more important things like growing crops for bio fuels so Americans could continue motoring around from Walmarts to McDonald’s. Many studies have pointed out that even if half of America’s crop land was devoted to bio-fuels it would only offset five per cent of oil consumed in America.(link) If a big percentage of Americans and other people in the world transplanted goat stomachs into their bellies and ate grass more farm land could be freed up for bio-fuels.
“This is great news,” said Bio-fuel entrepreneur Altoik McFesterboud. “We have heard a lot of mean spirited bio-fuel criticism from scientists. But now there is a possibility that millions of people with new goat stomachs will only eat grass. Hopefully liberating the land for bio-fuel will shut up the bio-fuel critics.”
A cow needs to eat six pounds of grain to produce one pound of meat. A pig needs to consume four pounds of grain to produce one pound of bacon and ham. Many people have advocated a vegetarian diet as a way of getting more bang to feed people. Critics have made the case that much grazing land is unsuitable for growing crops. That is until now. Now with the possibility of goat stomach transplants humans can now eat grass grown anywhere. If you can’t afford a steak you don’t even need to resort to beans and rice to conserve your wallet. You can just eat your back yard. If you are poor and live in a teeming overcrowded slum with scant grass, hay is even cheaper than rice or beans. And if more people switch to a grass diet we can be sure there can be more ethanol produced to be able to ship the hay to slums in Rio and Calcutta.
But the beauty of using goat stomachs is that goat stomachs can digest just about anything–even paper. So it will be possible to feed the masses with recycled newspapers–and old newspapers are even cheaper than hay. This could bolster the newspaper and magazine industry by adding value to their products. Newspaper sales are sure to increase if it includes a free meal.
“This is a positive development,” says Economist Hubert Humperdinker. “This may be the economic jolt that can help the world economy break out of this recession by stimulating the goat breeding and stomach transplanting industries. I think the Obama administration should implement a program to train medical technicians to install goat stomachs into poor people and give them tax incentives to perform the operations.”