VW Hippie Van With Hippie Skeletons Collides Into International Space Station

Both vehicles only suffered minor damage in the  bizarre collision.
Both vehicles only suffered minor damage in the bizarre collision.
It is the most bizarre thing ever to occur in the history of humanity’s endeavors into space. Yesterday a psychedelic VW hippie van, with two long hair hippie skeletons, collided into the international space station. The hippie skeletons were outfitted with frazzled tie-dyed t-shirts and one skull had a joint in his mouth. They had been listening to an eight track tape of the Grateful Dead which miraculously was still playing.

How these hippies got into space is a great mystery. NASA official Edsel Googerbran said, “I think these hippies may have somehow got tangled up with a weather ballon and were catapulted into space. They may have been orbiting the Earth for years.”

Others are offering theories as to how the VW hippie van got up there. Another NASA official said, “I think they may have been screwed up from the marijuana, took a wrong turn and ended up on a jet runway. Perhaps they somehow got tangled up with a jet and were dragged up into the atmosphere. Who knows what may have happened?”

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These hippies got high.
These hippies got high.
Geraldo Doeputz, an investigative journalist, is working on a story that will soon be published in Saloony.com. According to Doeputz, “Several years ago hippies were making inroads into the Mafia’s drug trade business. So the Mafia shot these hippies into space as a warning to other hippies to lay off their turf.”

Dr. Creston Woodinger is a theoretical physicist at the Hoboken, Oregon University Correspondence School. “This discovery verifies my theory on worm holes,” wrote Woodinger on his web site, wormholetravel.org. “It is fact that hundreds of people disappear every year by getting sucked into worm holes that deposit them in various points along the space time continuum. These men were obviously sucked into a worm hole and deposited into Earth’s orbit. We must study this VW van so we can learn to take advantage of these worm holes for interstellar space travel.”

A close up of  the hippies.
A close up of the hippies.

The Reverend Elrod Jabberbuck in New Conger, Louisiana preached another bizarre theory to his three thousand person congregation, “These space hippie skeletons are a sign from God! God wants you not to stray on the devil path of hippiedom! Brethren, do not succumb to hippie temptations of marijuana smoking, tofu eating, and a forsaking of personal grooming. God may blast you out into space to whither.”

The hippie  van is still hovering near the ISS.
The hippie van is still hovering near the ISS.
No one knows who the hippies may have been or where they came from. Many are urging NASA to turn the evidence over to the FBI to determine the hippies’ identity. But a NASA spokesman said that, “Returning extra cargo to the earth is too expensive and logistically complicated. We should shoot the van into space—there is already a lot of space junk in Earth’s orbit.”

Hippie groups were outraged by the NASA statement. Moonbeam Johnson, president of the National Organization of Hippies said, “If these skeletons wore business suits and drove Cadillacs perhaps they would get better treatment.” 

Edna Koutsmurt, a spokeswoman for MADD said, “However those men got into space is a mystery. But if they were not intoxicated on that fateful drive they would probably be alive today. This should be a lesson for people to not drive while stoned.”

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  • Emma Wingerduck

    It is only now that I can sit down and calmly write this–but barely, I am still shaking. In the late sixties I was a hippie chick who lived on Haight St. in San Francisco with my hippie boyfriend. He had a VW hippie van just like the one pictured in your article here. Actually, I am convinced that it is the same VW van. One day my boyfriend, Chester, and I had a big fight because he refused to shampoo his hair because he didn't want to kill the insects in there. So he stormed out of the house and said he was going on a drive with his friend Sam and getting high. Little did I know how high he would get. The last thing he said to me was, "When I come back I hope you will have developed some compassion for the critters who live in my hair."But I never saw him again. I thought he had left me. Oh! How could I ever have doubted him! Later I became a yuppie and married a stock broker. But I will always hold the memories of Chester in my heart–even though he smelled bad.Love and peace,Emma Wingerduck San Francisco, CA

One thought on “VW Hippie Van With Hippie Skeletons Collides Into International Space Station

  1. Emma Wingerduck

    It is only now that I can sit down and calmly write this–but barely, I am still shaking. In the late sixties I was a hippie chick who lived on Haight St. in San Francisco with my hippie boyfriend. He had a VW hippie van just like the one pictured in your article here. Actually, I am convinced that it is the same VW van. One day my boyfriend, Chester, and I had a big fight because he refused to shampoo his hair because he didn't want to kill the insects in there. So he stormed out of the house and said he was going on a drive with his friend Sam and getting high. Little did I know how high he would get. The last thing he said to me was, "When I come back I hope you will have developed some compassion for the critters who live in my hair."But I never saw him again. I thought he had left me. Oh! How could I ever have doubted him! Later I became a yuppie and married a stock broker. But I will always hold the memories of Chester in my heart–even though he smelled bad.Love and peace,Emma Wingerduck San Francisco, CA

    March 29, 2015 at 2:50 am

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