Buy the Kindle book at Amazon for 3 measly bucks! Or, Buy the Paperback for Only $6.75!
If you have such rotten taste to be on the MCT web site you will also be stimulated by Brian Friedkin’s book, Zip PT Zoingzoing’s Adventures In Outer Space —An outrageous travelogue through the Milky Way Galaxy. Renegade astronaut Zip PT Zoingzoing teamed up with Brian Friedkin to tell his story about traveling from planet to planet and encountering strangely familiar and crazy life forms. Below is one of the shortest chapters for you to sample, “The Planet Of Tiny Lights,” which is also dramatized above [via YouTube] by the Hoboken, Oregon Shakespeare Guild.
So click on this unique audiobook excerpt– if you are stimulated blast off to Amazon to get more info, reviews, read the introduction, other excerpts and get the book, Zip PT Zoingzoing’s Adventures In Outer Space
After many weeks of dull space travel I came to a solar system with a planet that registered intelligent life signs on my spectrometer. I landed on the small planet. I got out of my space ship, stretched my muscles and looked around. I walked around and it felt good to move around after being cooped up in my space ship. The ground made a strange crunching sound when I walked on it. I saw nothing big, but the land looked like Earth as seen from a jet. Tiny glittering things reflected bright, even electric-like light. “What weird, but striking geological formations or minerals,” I thought. It was dusk and those little things lit up as if there were minute lights in them. I tried not to step on them, but so many covered the landscape it was hard to avoid them. My spaceship crunched a lot of them. I stopped walking around because I didn’t like smashing the fragile minerals and admired the orange color that the setting sun left in the sky. The tiny scintillating objects fired up and got even brighter as it got dark. The ground sparkled. I gazed across the brilliant electric wonderland. The sun’s trace of light vanished and faint stars moved across the sky as the luminous landscape transfixed me. I bent down and scooped up some glittering ground, but as soon as I pulled up the phosphorus earth it darkened.
Then it hit me: Maybe those were cities down there. I pulled out my radio-spectrometer and pointed it right near my feet. Life signs. “Oh shit!” I thought. My heart beat faster. I got radio signals and tuned in the receiver, “Hey you giant disgusting way over-sized life-form: Do you realize what the fuck you are doing? Can’t you see what you are stepping on? We have tried yelling, but obviously you are too far up there to hear our little voices. We tried holding up big signs that say, ‘Giant Go Home!’ and ‘Watch Your Step!’ but they were too small for you to see, or either you can’t read, you dumbshit. We wonder how you manage to run that humongous spaceship of yours with your lack of gray matter. Hopefully this radio message is getting through to you. If it is do you get the picture yet blockhead? Every step you take is flattening and demolishing cities, towns, forests and crops.”
I froze in utter horror. The radio message continued, “So far you have crushed to death hundreds of thousands, maybe millions of our planet’s people. You have leveled our historical buildings and monuments, decimated crops, and squashed forests and countless animals. You are not welcome here you over-sized fat foot. Turn around, get back on that giant spaceship and leave us the fuck alone. Got the message? Scram. Hasta la vista. Outta here! Go take a flying fuck!”
I tiptoed gently back to my spaceship trying to step in my footprints. I put the key in the ignition and got the hell out of there as fast as I could.