Occasionally, after dinner I like to smoke a cigar. So the other day at a restaurant I went outside to a smoking area. Another customer came and lit a cigarette. 2 others were already there. A little guy who looked up and said, “Look Dad!” And blew some smoke rings into the air. “Pretty good!”…

Breaking Public Service News! Meltingclocktimes.com advocates burning all spammers at the stake. At least ISPs are using great programs like Spam Assassin (and if your email server doesn’t use it you should switch your email service.) And you can avoid much spam by doing simple things like never publishing your email address on a web…

Artist Violetta Fadda Is Showing The World Real Art A Meltingclocktimes.com Biographical Profile  (Clicca qui per la versione italiana) Click here to go to Amazon & read a wild 35 pg story based on an episode in Violetta Fadda’s life Or here for free:X-Click-X This is a view from the roof of one the world’s most…

MCT wrote about Dr. Vivold Linquensha more than a year ago. (link) Not only did he make billions in biotechnology, but Linquensha foresaw the housing collapse and shorted banks in 2008. (Linquensha likes short things) Linquensha became one of the richest men in the world. And what is Linquensha doing with his wealth now? He…

MCT end of the decade prognostication for the next decade and beyond: Last updated in 2011 — But still relevant! –MCT prognostication for the next decade and beyond in the case civilization does not collapse. (So the predictions here may not happen.) You will never find a more absurd, bizarre, off the wall but at…

Startling New Scientific Discovery: –All men have a common ancestor who is the result of a cat fucking a sheep Scientists at a Hoboken, Oregon University have discovered evidence that man evolved from a mating of a sheep and a cat, not from apes. The evidence, which seems absurd at first and flies in the…

Dinosaurs Went Extinct Because They Were Gay Many paleontologists are coming to the conclusion that dinosaurs went extinct because they were gay. According to MIT scientist Dr. Irwin McCorynouat, “There is a growing body of paleontological evidence of widespread dinosaur homosexuality. Apparently many dinosaur species lack of interest in the opposite sex led to a…

Genetic Engineers Do It Again! Product Will Revolutionize The Pet Industry! Genetic scientists have done it again. Researchers at the Acme Genetics Corporation (Web site) have successfully produced dogs without assholes. “This will revolutionize the pet industry,” says Acme Genetics spokesman Ilvord Veganostrup. “Almost everyone loves dogs. But many people did not want to own…

Is your life better than it was fifteen years ago because we have the Internet now? Think about it. Isn’t it a giant waste of time? Sure, putting parasites like travel agents, stock brokers and newspaper classified advertising monopolies out of business is good. Sure, the wealth of information is good. But mostly the Internet…

Some people go on about how the oil companies control everything. Others believe the CIA, or Goldman Sachs, or Dick Cheney, or Jews, or even Frank Sinatra (who is still alive) are pulling the strings and in charge of it all. Meltingclocktimes.com investigative reporters have discovered that Hiemie Smielsnucker, an unassuming, short, bald and fat…

MCT Investigative Report: –And that includes you reader!MCT launched a thorough investigation that probed into the media, social and political life. We interviewed thousands of people, we scrutinized hundreds of media sources. We came to the inescapable conclusion that everyone in the US, without exception, is crazy. Are you from another country? Most likely you…

Tobacco Store Receives 10,000,000th Prince Albert In A Can Crank Call If you run a tobacco store one of the drawbacks is all the idiots who call every day and say, “Do you have Prince Albert in a can?” Bertold Humbucker is a third generation owner of New York’s Big Apple Pipe and Tobacco Shop….

Wall Street banking firms like Goldman Sachs are reporting record profits, thanks to back door bailouts, while the unemployment rate is at the highest in nearly thirty years. Recently, in a London Times article GS CEO Lloyd Blankfein said he was doing God’s work and that healthy banks were good for everyone. (link) This trickle…

Toilets Attempt Toilet Humor & Some Aren’t Laughing The Standard American Toilet Company has come out with a new hi-tech talking toilet that is causing a waterfall of controversy. Apparently wise guys in the factory programed the toilets to blurt out insults like; “Whew! Was that a big one!” or, “Whoa, that’s a stinker! If…

An End To World Hunger? Surgeon Transplants Goat Stomachs Into Poor People So They Can Eat Grass A prominent surgeon from the Hoboken, Oregon Medical Institute, Dr. Midros Hienzmucker has perfected a revolutionary way of ending world hunger. Dr. Hienzmucker crafted an operation that transplants a goat stomach into a human stomach. The human recipient…

WOMAN SITS ON GUM ON CITY BUS AND GETS STUCK TO SEAT FOR THREE YEARS The amazing survival story of  Mildred Felkelstien’s three year ordeal on a bus! Mildred Felkelstien is a retired school teacher who one day went out for a simple bus ride across town to visit her daughter. The bus ride turned into…

A new trend in furniture is spreading among the nation’s elite rich. Wealthy people are taking advantage of the huge numbers of unemployed people and hiring them as human furniture. “Having human furniture is all the rage among the super rich,” says New York socialite Beatrice Nooberstune. “You are nobody if you don’t have at…

A growing number of doctors and medical care experts have reached the conclusion that many patients who have died or are dying are not really sick or even dead, but that they suffer from a severe form of hypochondria. “The theory, which seems absurd at first, makes a lot of sense when you examine the…