Category Archives: Sports

MCT Suggestions For Improving The Winter Olympics

MCT Suggestions For Improving The Winter Olympics

Even though we are big winter sports enthusiasts here at MCT we did not watch much of the winter Olympics. The MCT mansion in Hoboken, Oregon is just down the road from a fantastic ski area, Willamette Pass. So we are there often engaged in winter sports, not on our asses watching other people doing it. Also because MCT CEO Brian Friedkin has a low tolerance for stupid shit there is no TV in the MCT mansion.

We only saw the Olympics when we went to bars that had TVs up on the walls. But there are other reasons why none of us went out of our way to watch the Olympics. MCT CEO Brain Friedkin, an avid skier himself, went into a bar and saw on the screen guys pushing a big tea kettle down the ice with other guys cleaning the floor with brooms. He stated the obvious, “That curling shit is not a sport.” The Olympics are full of things that are not sports. For example, the

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Live Turkey Parachuting

Special Thanksgiving Turkey Report:

New Sport Craze: Live Turkey Parachuting!

The freedom of turkey parachuting!
The freedom of turkey parachuting!

A new sport is sweeping the nation. Skydivers are jumping out of planes without parachutes. They are attaching themselves to a string of live turkeys. Apparently the turkeys go nuts and flap their wings and act as a parachute. And with live turkeys going for less than a dollar a pound it costs a lot less than a parachute which can cost over a thousand bucks. With the economy in the tank people–parachutists included–are looking to cut costs.

“Turkey parachuting is really opening the plane door for a lot of skydivers who normally would be put off by the high price of parachutes,” says skydiving instructor Nebold Einacracker. “Since turkeys are cheaper than parachutes we offer lower prices now for skydiving lessons and jumps. People also like jumping from a plane using natural live turkeys, not an artificial petroleum based parachute.”

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Live Cat Soccer

New Sport Craze: Live Cat Soccer

A new sport is sweeping the nation and the world: Live cat soccer. The game is played with a live cat instead of a ball and animal rights activists are outraged.

Huge crowds are attending the matches and businessmen in several cities around the world are in intense talks about forming professional teams that could help stimulate the dire worldwide economic situation. Meanwhile attendance at traditional soccer or “futball” matches around the world is plummeting.

“It’s an extremely exciting sport,” says player Benie Evidlobal. “Not only do you need to outrun and out maneuver the opposing team like in traditional soccer, you also need to outrun and out maneuver a live cat. Then cat soccer has the gory excitement of a bull fight when the bull gets killed at the end. That is because usually by the fourth quarter the cat dies after being kicked around so much. Then the whole dynamics of the game changes because it takes a lot of athletic ability to kick around a dead cat and score goals with it. It’s not like it’s a soccer ball and easily rolls around.”

Enid Pelvurtus, a PETA official has tried to get the police and the courts to stop the games. So far he only got the police to delay two out of hundreds of games. “This sport is an outrage and

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Dwarf Tossing, The Next Big Thing

The Next Big Thing That Will Pull The World Out Of The Economic Crisis: Dwarf Tossing!

In the past dwarfs were merely fairytale objects in films like Disney's, 'Snow White,' or 'The Wizard of Oz.' In the future dwarfs will be venerated sports heroes.
In the past dwarfs were merely fairytale objects in films like Disney's, 'Snow White,' or 'The Wizard of Oz.' In the future dwarfs will be venerated sports heroes.

There are cultural phenomenas and inventions that come about that change the world forever. The gun, the printing press, the airplane, rock and roll, electricity and the Internet all impacted the world beyond measure. These phenomenas had huge economic reverberations. What will be the next giant phenomena that will change life forever? Could this next big thing be the economic stimulus that transforms the world to break us out of the current economic crisis? A group of intellectuals, scientists and prognosticators, including Nobel prize winners, got together and asked these exact questions. They examined things like wind power, the rebuilding of an electric rail system, an advance in solar energy technology, the viability and possibility of nuclear fusion. After several intense weeks of study they unanimously decided that the next big thing will be dwarf tossing. They made a persuasive argument in their 400 page report that the dwarf tossing phenomena will bring the world out of the economic crisis.

Dr. Elmont Chestmontville, a Harvard Sociologist, said, “A generation from now the world’s greatest dwarf tossees will be just as famous as

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