More MCT BS
Engineer Invents Perpetual Motion Machine With Beer Cans
Engineer Invents Perpetual Motion Machine With Beer Cans Pollution Free Technology Will Revolutionize The World Engineer Rufus Thornburt might not be a household name yet, but Thornburt and some alternative energy innovators believe one day he will be as rich and famous as Bill Gates. Rufus Thornburt has invented an innovative but simple way of…
Outrageous New Fashion Craze: Displaying Dead Grandparents In The Living Room
Outrageous New Fashion Craze: Displaying Dead Grandparents In The Living Room A new fashion craze is sweeping the nation. Fashion conscious people are displaying their dead grandparents in their living rooms. Many people are disgusted and appalled at the new fashion, and health authorities are warning people that having a rotting corpse in your house…
Scientists Develop Dog With No Asshole
Genetic Engineers Do It Again! Product Will Revolutionize The Pet Industry! Genetic scientists have done it again. Researchers at the Acme Genetics Corporation (Web site) have successfully produced dogs without assholes. “This will revolutionize the pet industry,” says Acme Genetics spokesman Ilvord Veganostrup. “Almost everyone loves dogs. But many people did not want to own…
Mad Scientist Puts Chemical In Water Supply That Will Turn Everyone In The Whole World Into Elvis Impersonators
These Elvis impersonators actually believe that they are me!
Man Follows Shampoo Directions And Dies In Shower After Lathering, Rinsing And Repeating For Weeks
No one had heard from Elbert Wingducker for weeks. Finally his sister broke into his house and found Elbert’s skeleton in the shower with a thick lather of shampoo on his head. Hundreds of empty shampoo bottles were strewn all over the bathroom floor. Apparently Elbert Wingducker was a man who took things too literally….
The Internet Is A Fucking Waste Of Time
Is your life better than it was fifteen years ago because we have the Internet now? Think about it. Isn’t it a giant waste of time? Sure, putting parasites like travel agents, stock brokers and newspaper classified advertising monopolies out of business is good. Sure, the wealth of information is good. But mostly the Internet…
Short, Bald, Fat Guy Controls The World
Some people go on about how the oil companies control everything. Others believe the CIA, or Goldman Sachs, or Dick Cheney, or Jews, or even Frank Sinatra (who is still alive) are pulling the strings and in charge of it all. Meltingclocktimes.com investigative reporters have discovered that Hiemie Smielsnucker, an unassuming, short, bald and fat…
Man Trying To Break World’s Record By Singing “10,000,000 Bottles Of Beer On The Wall” Shot To Death By Wife
Man Trying To Break World’s Record By Singing “10,000,000 Bottles Of Beer On The Wall” Shot To Death By Wife “10,000,000 bottles of beer on the wall, 10,000,000 bottles of beer. Take one down and pass it around – 9,999,999 bottles of beer on the wall.” That is how it all started. It ended with…
Jehovah Witnesses And Mormons In Major Turf Wars Over Door to Door Trafficking
Jehovah Witnesses And Mormons In Major Turf Wars Over Door to Door Trafficking Both the Mormon and Jehovah Witness religions are growing and it was inevitable that the two groups would clash on the streets. It’s getting ugly out there. Turf battles are erupting between Jehovah Witnesses and Mormons. Police in several cities across the…
US Medical Insurance Complex Cartel To Join Forces With OPEC
US Medical Insurance Complex Cartel To Join Forces With OPEC A consortium of American doctors, the AMA, all the major health insurance companies, and pharmaceutical conglomerates are all grouping together and joining OPEC. An insurance company executive told MCT that, “The top level officials in the health-care industrial complex finally got together to take this…
Eating Tomatoes Declared Illegal Due To Trademark Infringement
Edwin Tomato says his family has had the name “Tomato” for centuries and all farmers and produce dealers owe him and his family back royalties for using his family name for their food product. “There is no evidence that any of my ancestors gave any farmer the right to use our name with the vegetable…
Whipped Cream Factory Explodes, Entire Town Buried Under Whipped Cream
Whipped Cream Factory Explodes, Entire Town Buried Under Whipped Cream Hundreds feared dead It was a typical American town, with tract homes, a shopping mall, fast food chains, a Walmart surrounded by a huge parking lot and a dead down town. One thing that was unique in Hoboken, Oregon was the Acme whipped cream factory….
Perverts Molesting Vacuum Cleaners, A Growing Problem For Appliance Stores And Law Enforcement Agencies
A growing problem is terrorizing appliance stores that sell vacuum cleaners and bogging down law enforcement agencies across the country. Perverts are breaking into appliance stores and molesting vacuum cleaners by the hundreds. “The problem is on the rise,” according to Chicago police Sargent Victor Nedrosky. “It used to be sexy vacuum cleaners could live…
Everyone In The USA, Without Exception, Is Crazy
MCT Investigative Report: –And that includes you reader!MCT launched a thorough investigation that probed into the media, social and political life. We interviewed thousands of people, we scrutinized hundreds of media sources. We came to the inescapable conclusion that everyone in the US, without exception, is crazy. Are you from another country? Most likely you…
Tobacco Store Receives 10,000,000th Prince Albert In A Can Crank Call
Tobacco Store Receives 10,000,000th Prince Albert In A Can Crank Call If you run a tobacco store one of the drawbacks is all the idiots who call every day and say, “Do you have Prince Albert in a can?” Bertold Humbucker is a third generation owner of New York’s Big Apple Pipe and Tobacco Shop….