Mad Scientist Puts Chemical In Water Supply That Will Turn Everyone In The Whole World Into Elvis Impersonators A high ranking FBI official has informed Meltingclocktimes.com that a fugitive mad scientist has developed a chemical, which he aims to put in the world wide water supply, that will make everyone believe they are Elvis Presley. Our secret sourceRead More!
Man Follows Shampoo Directions And Dies In Shower After Lathering, Rinsing And Repeating For Weeks No one had heard from Elbert Wingducker for weeks. Finally his sister broke into his house and found Elbert’s skeleton in the shower with a thick lather of shampoo on his head. Hundreds of empty shampoo bottles were strewn all over the bathroomRead More!
The Internet Is A Fucking Waste of Time Is your life better than it was fifteen years ago because we have the Internet now? Think about it. Isn’t it a giant waste of time? Sure, putting parasites like travel agents, stock brokers and newspaper classified advertising monopolies out of business is good. Sure, the wealth of information isRead More!
Short, Bald, Fat Guy In New Jersey Controls The World Some people go on about how the oil companies control everything. Others believe the CIA, or Goldman Sachs, or Dick Cheney, or Jews, or even Frank Sinatra (who is still alive) are pulling the strings and in charge of it all. Meltingclocktimes.com investigative reporters have discovered that HiemieRead More!
Man Trying To Break World’s Record By Singing “10,000,000 Bottles Of Beer On The Wall” Shot To Death By Wife “10,000,000 bottles of beer on the wall, 10,000,000 bottles of beer. Take one down and pass it around – 9,999,999 bottles of beer on the wall.” That is how it all started. It ended with Ester McKookleflap shootingRead More!
Jehovah Witnesses And Mormons In Major Turf Wars Over Door to Door Trafficking Both the Mormon and Jehovah Witness religions are growing and it was inevitable that the two groups would clash on the streets. It’s getting ugly out there. Turf battles are erupting between Jehovah Witnesses and Mormons. Police in several cities across the nation have hadRead More!
US Medical Insurance Complex Cartel To Join Forces With OPEC A consortium of American doctors, the AMA, all the major health insurance companies, and pharmaceutical conglomerates are all grouping together and joining OPEC. An insurance company executive told MCT that, “The top level officials in the health-care industrial complex finally got together to take this action to protectRead More!
Eating Tomatoes Declared Illegal Due To Trademark Infringement Edwin Tomato says his family has had the name “Tomato” for centuries and all farmers and produce dealers owe him and his family back royalties for using his family name for their food product. “There is no evidence that any of my ancestors gave any farmer the right to useRead More!
Whipped Cream Factory Explodes, Entire Town Buried Under Whipped Cream Hundreds feared dead It was a typical American town, with tract homes, a shopping mall, fast food chains, a Walmart surrounded by a huge parking lot and a dead down town. One thing that was unique in Hoboken, Oregon was the Acme whipped cream factory. Yesterday, a terribleRead More!
Perverts Molesting Vacuum Cleaners, A Growing Problem For Appliance Stores And Law Enforcement Agencies A growing problem is terrorizing appliance stores that sell vacuum cleaners and bogging down law enforcement agencies across the country. Perverts are breaking into appliance stores and molesting vacuum cleaners by the hundreds. “The problem is on the rise,” according to Chicago police SargentRead More!
MCT Investigative Report: Everyone In The USA, Without Exception, Is Crazy –And that includes you reader!MCT launched a thorough investigation that probed into the media, social and political life. We interviewed thousands of people, we scrutinized hundreds of media sources. We came to the inescapable conclusion that everyone in the US, without exception, is crazy. Are you fromRead More!
Tobacco Store Receives 10,000,000th Prince Albert In A Can Crank Call If you run a tobacco store one of the drawbacks is all the idiots who call every day and say, “Do you have Prince Albert in a can?” Bertold Humbucker is a third generation owner of New York’s Big Apple Pipe and Tobacco Shop. “You wouldn’t believeRead More!
Morgan Chase & Goldman Sachs Financiers Helping Out Unemployed By Hiring Them As Human Furniture Wall Street banking firms like Goldman Sachs are reporting record profits, thanks to back door bailouts, while the unemployment rate is at the highest in nearly thirty years. Recently, in a London Times article GS CEO Lloyd Blankfein said he was doing God’sRead More!
Special Thanksgiving Turkey Report: New Sport Craze: Live Turkey Parachuting! A new sport is sweeping the nation. Skydivers are jumping out of planes without parachutes. They are attaching themselves to a string of live turkeys. Apparently the turkeys go nuts and flap their wings and act as a parachute. And with live turkeys going for less than aRead More!
We are republishing the following because it fits the Halloween season and explains the headless elections coming up: A shocking update to Washington Irving’s “Headless Horseman!“ Headless People Terrorizing Cities And Towns Across The Nation! Horsemen do not travel America’s roads today, but the headless are more numerous than ever. Beware! It is deep into October. The daysRead More!