Mad Scientist To Take Over Facebook And Turn It Into Buttbook
MCT wrote about Dr. Vivold Linquensha more than a year ago. (link) Not only did he make billions in biotechnology, but Linquensha foresaw the housing collapse and shorted banks in 2008. (Linquensha likes short things) Linquensha became one of the richest men in the world. And what is Linquensha doing with his wealth now? He is buying Facebook. A spokesman for Linquensha read a statement to the press yesterday which said, “On March 15, Facebook will be under the ownership of Linquensha Enterprises. The sole owner of Facebook will be Vivold Linqeunsha. On March 15, the name will be changed to Buttbook. All users of Facebook will have one week to change their photos to their butts. All Facebook users who do not change their face photos to their butt photos by March 22 will have their accounts canceled.”
Sources say that Mark Zuckerberg said he wanted his old life back. A high ranking official in the Facebook establishment who wished to remain anonymous said that, “Linquensha offered the right money at the right time.” It was not clear if Zuckerberg was aware or concerned that Linquensha will be changing the face of Facebook.
But several Facebook users are quite consternated about the upcoming changes of substituting face photos with butt photos.
“This will make clicking on photos really
difficult.” said Molly Zertgoidsap, who spends five hours a day on Facebook. “Because sometimes butts are too similar and you won’t be able to pick out one butt from another. Sure, you will be able see the difference between fat butts and not so fat butts–but come on! I think this just might ruin Facebook.”
Labushum Torgustiment who spends four hours a day on Facebook said, “No! No! Please don’t do this. How will I be able to click on an old friend’s butt? It will be too hard to recognize. What if they got fat?”
Suzi Eyedigargun, a six hour a day Facebook using enthusiast said, “This change is just ridiculous! It is absurd and I plan on protesting against it by using Facebook less and calling some friends on the phone. I won’t go to the extremes of actually visiting my friends. But if they really keep this absurdity of requiring butt photos I just might even do that.”
New York Times journalist Elford Nooberstrone who covers Linquensha said, “I think Linquensha is pissed off that no one is paying attention to his plan to save the Earth by making people shorter. (See article about this.) So he is out for revenge and aims to destroy something that everyone likes.”
But others disagree. Dr. Geldrin Boptuey, an analyst at the distinguished Zapzinger Think Tank in Hoboken, Oregon, who covers Linquensha said, “Linquensha has a brilliant financial mind. I suspect he convinced Zuckerberg that Facebook will soon go out of style, bought it for a cheap price and then engineered an amazing Facebook to Buttbook transformation that will spice up the website and revitalize even more interest in it.”
In an editorial in the Washington Post Xeres Manigwopstien wrote that Linquensha has always been driven to help humanity. “We may not see how this helps humanity. But Linquensha in his higher vision sees something in changing Facebook to Buttbook that will be clear to us in the future.”
Eldrin McHoselforter, a four hour a day Facebook user welcomes the coming change, “I think simply that Vivold Linquensha, like me, just likes butts. Some guys are breast men, some guys are leg men. I am a butt man and I am ecstatic about the Facebook to Buttbook change. I can even appreciate an athletic manly butt.”
So will the public tolerate this big transition? Will people just switch to Myspace? MCT sources say Linquensha is also in the works to buy the depressed Myspace and has plans to turn it into Mybuttspace.