Meltingclocktimes.com Offers Hillary Clinton $29.95 To Pose Nude
(Originally published in spring 08 before she dropped out of the presidential race. After she dropped out we reduced our offer to $19.95.)
Meltingclocktimes.com hereby announces that we will pay Hillary Clinton $29.95 to pose nude.
This does not mean that Meltingclocktimes.com is endorsing Hillary Clinton for president. However, if Hillary Clinton does have the good sense to take up our offer we probably will endorse her for president. If Senator Clinton declines our offer and Barack Obama or John McCain offer to pose nude we will not endorse them. Also, we will not pay Senators Obama or McCain $29.95 to pose nude. In fact, if either of those guys want to pose nude for Meltingclocktimes.com they would have to pay us $29 million and 95 cents. Sorry, we are just not interested in seeing them nude. But since they are so popular many gay and women publications would probably publish their nude photos. That is why you, Hillary, should take up our offer and beat them to the punch. This is just the thing you need to get your campaign’s momentum back.
And do you know what? You guys started this campaign—when?– two fucking years ago and we still have nearly eight months to go. Everyone is getting sick of you presidential candidates. The tanking economy and Spitzer’s hooker have stolen your limelight. Hillary, taking off your clothes is just the thing you need to get back in the spotlight.
Many people are saying that the presidential campaign, besides being too long, lacks substance. Here at the Meltingclocktimes.com mansion we try not pay attention to this whole thing. We have better things to do like write stupid articles and stare at walls. And we take to heart Mark Twain’s adage, “Don’t vote for politicians, it only encourages them.” But when we overhear a radio or look at a newspaper we see Obama saying, “Change, change,” and Hillary saying, “I got experience,” over and over. Hillary, you can go beyond this superficiality. Take it off! Show us your substance! Do you know that a healthy body makes a healthy mind? If we can see your healthy body it will convince us that your mind is fit for the job as commander in chief. Your husband donated his precious bodily fluid to many women. Hillary, please donate a view of your precious bodily flesh to us! But it is not really a donation because we are offering you a whopping $29.95. And you can use it because so far Barack Obama has raised 138 million dollars for his campaign versus 135.5 million for your’s. (link) (Only as of Feb. 08).
Now, we at Meltingclocktimes.com wonder just what do you guys use all that money for? For TV commercials? Hillary, your army of consultants and advisors surely have told you that you can’t get votes by appealing to people’s reason with cogent arguments and plans. You have to propagandize via TV ads with positive sounding platitudes that appeal to the emotions. But what is a better way to appeal to someone’s emotions than with your sexy body? Most men think with their dicks and that is fifty percent of the vote. Do not think a presidential candidate posing nude is absurd. Spending millions of bucks on political advertising is much more absurd and you have already have done that. What is this health care crap you are always talking about? No one is sure how that plan will work. But it is sure that with three billion bucks CNN is projecting (link) politicians will waste attempting to brainwash people via TV ads you all could instead pay for a lot of medical bills. So put the money to a better cause. And if you want advertising that will really charge up America take off your clothes for us!