Recycled Toilet Paper—Questions Arise On How Toilet Paper Manufacturers Get The Shit Out

Did the toilet paper co. completely clean out the shit? We would hesitate to look closely or smell it to make sure.
Did the toilet paper co. completely clean out the shit? We would hesitate to look closely or smell it to make sure.
Everywhere you look you see recycled products. Newspapers are made with recycled newspapers. Recycled bags in the grocery store, recycled paper towels. salutes the paper industry’s endeavours to save trees by using recycled paper. But we have to draw the line on toilet paper. Just how do you get the shit out? And is it even possible to get the shit completely out? Are toilet paper companies sacrificing our health and sanitation for profits? Recycled toilet paper may look white, but we believe it still must harbour bacteria. We do not want to look closely and we will certainly not smell it to test if all the shit got cleaned out. launched an investigation into this dirty business of recycling toilet paper. MCT CEO and head investigative reporter, Brian Friedkin took a trip to a local sewage treatment plant to discover just how and under what conditions the toilet paper companies gather up the used toilet paper. He reports:

I entered through the sewage plant gates and saw many huge concrete vats of steaming shit. The smell was strong. An employee

came up to me and asked, “Can I help you with something?”

“Yes,“ I said, “I am a reporter and I am doing an investigation on the recycled toilet paper industry. Do toilet paper company trucks come here and scoop out used toilet paper?”

“What?” said the man with an odd laugh like I wasn’t serious. “Why would they do that?”

“Come on. You must know. They have to get toilet paper that they recycle from somewhere. A sewage treatment plant is the only logical place.”

“I have worked at and been to many sewage treatment plants and believe me, I have never heard of that.”

“So are you saying that the toilet paper companies don’t use the paper from this particular plant, or are you saying they don’t use any paper to recycle—they make it out of thin air?”

“I don’t know anything about this buddy.”

“Why can’t you talk about it? Is there something to hide?”

“If you don’t mind I have to get back to work. If you don’t leave I will have to call up security.”

“Come on man, level with me,” I said. “What kind of operation is going on here?”

“Good day,” said the man. “I told you I will call security if you don’t leave.”

As I walked out of the plant I wondered why does a sewage treatment plant need security guards? Why was the man reluctant to talk? Perhaps there is something going on in the recycled toilet paper industry that they don’t want people to know about. I had to find out.

I got on I-5 and headed an hour north to the next city that had a substantial sewage treatment plant. I got out of my car and walked past smelly concrete tanks to a small office. I said to a man in the office, “Hello. I am a reporter and I want to ask you, what do you know about the recycled toilet paper industry?”

“I don’t know anything about it. I don’t even know why you are asking me.”

“Come on,” I said, “spill the beans. Tell me about the trucks that come here.”

“I don’t know anything. Trucks?”

I had to grease him to get to the truth. Other publications will not be forthright about methods they use to get information– will. I pulled out my wallet to slap down a fifty to get him to talk. Unfortunately I didn’t have a fifty—not even a twenty. I had a ten and a five and I needed the five for gas to get home. I threw a ten on the counter and said, “Come on. Talk. Tell me the truth.”

“What? You are giving me ten bucks to tell the truth? About what?”

“About the trucks.”

“Ok.” The man grabbed the ten spot and said, “Yeah. The trucks come here every day. Yeah.”

“So they come here and scoop out the paper with some elaborate machinery?”

“Yeah, that’s right. Every day.”

So now I had a witness of a vast secret operation in the recycled toilet paper industry. The question was why is everything under wraps? The answer is obvious. Used toilet paper is a bacteria laden vile product. The working conditions for the people that process this used toilet paper must be horrendous. And also the end users, or should I say the rear end users, are using a fecal mater infested disease carrying product that has been dyed white.

The recycled toilet paper industry is taking advantage of the environmentally conscious public and giving them an unsanitary product in order to make big profits. However, does not advocate destroying trees for virgin toilet paper either. According to the National Resource Defense Council “If every household in the United States replaced just one roll of virgin fiber toilet paper (500 sheets) with 100% recycled ones, we could save 423,900 trees.”

But recycled toilet paper is not something we would touch. recommends that you do not use any toilet paper.

3 thoughts on “Recycled Toilet Paper, How Do They Get The Shit Out and Is It Sanitary?

  1. Gregory Nasrallah

    They do use toilet tissue obtained from sewage treatment plants. It goes through a process that although lengthy, is less expensive than other methods of producing tissue. I can tell you it eventually comes back in a variety of products including those cheap napkins used in restaurants dispensers at many fast food franchises. Do not worry, it’s safe and they have been doing it for years, even before recycling was the “hip thing to do”. Oh yes, it also comes back in TP and paper towels.

    April 27, 2015 at 8:11 pm
  2. Jas

    You could make a short comedy film out of this article – instead of a reporter, though, it’d have to be an oblivious private detective as the main character.

    “Yeah. The trucks come here every day. Yeah.” – says the man who realized he’ll get 10 dollars if he echoes exactly what the detective said two minutes ago.

    July 30, 2015 at 6:07 am
    1. Dev.

      i had a lot of fun too haha

      September 24, 2015 at 3:03 pm

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>

Sponsored items related to this:
Zip PT Zoingzoing’s Adventures In Outer Space
Brian Friedkin
Hey, wanna-be billionaire space travelers! Been there! Done it! & Zoingzoing didn’t waste billions$$ [like you already Mr. Bezos] because his spaceship runs on cheap s*&%. Blast off reading about Zoingzoing’s galactic travels & you’ll discover the only thing Zoingzoing has in common with other Sci-fi & the space billionaires is that it’s all based on s*&#!
Kindle Edition
  Para Abnormal Space Crap Invasion Mind Readers
Jack Shithead
Space Wars with Mind reading shape-shifting thriller detective laser zapping thriller. Read the page turning antics as a space detective trained assassin wards off an alien invasion as global warming disasters wreck havoc on the Universe! You’ll fall in love with the talking telepathic dolphins!

Kindle Edition
  Space Gush Romance With Hunky Hunky Hot Breathing Alien Romantic Hunk For Pathetic Women In Space Wanda Spacelove
Another one of these hunky bodies with a six pac ab cover! Follow our heroine as she finds love on a planet of hunky space billionaires! Oh!

Kindle Edition
"World leaders have read Brian Friedkin's book about Zip PT Zoingx2’s travels across the galaxy for a unique perspective. Maybe that is why the world is so f#@&ed up. Get it at Amazon!