Sexually Perverted Space Aliens

Astronaut Gets Sucked Through A Wormhole From Alternative Universe Where Apple Has A Monopoly On Computers But The Health-Care System Runs Well

Astronaut Gets Sucked Through A Wormhole From Alternative Universe Where Apple Has A Monopoly On Computers But The Health-Care System Runs Well

About a year ago we published an article,  Alternative Universe Is Discovered That Is Exactly Like Earth Except Rock And Roll Is Unpopular And Polka Music Is The Rave. It was about astronaut Jeral Googorston’s experience getting sucked through a worm hole from an alternative universe that was exactly like this universe– expect the alternative universe has polka wherever we have rock and roll. Now another astronaut has come out of the closet. Zebenhouser Verilstiener says he had a similar experience that astronaut Jeral Googerston had during a routine space walk only 5 months ago. When he returned to earth he couldn’t believe how advanced all the computers were.

Verilstiener told his story, “I thought I was nuts. In my universe Apple manufactures all computers  and they’re outrageously expensive. Color computers cost 6000 bucks and

flat LCD screens just came out about a year ago. But many people still love Apple. The Apple fans attest that their computers are brilliant, work well, and they are elegant. They believe and don’t question that a computer that was advanced here in 1993 is worth $6000–and that $6000 only includes the bare-bones operating system. All other software is outrageously expensive–$800 for example, for a word-processing program. In my universe Apple got the rights to manufacture everything and patents on virtually all computer technology.

“Apple came out with a mouse 1984 in both universes and some years later the PC followed and Apple sued. In this universe Apple lost the lawsuit because it was invented by Xerox–Apple was just the first to incorporate it big time. In my universe Apple actually won the lawsuit in 1990 against Microsoft and put out them out of business. Apple went on to buy the rights to the central processing chip technology, RAM and many other things. There are various computer parts manufacturers but they all seem to have a way of controlling the costs of things just like your medical health insurance cartel does here.

“Other countries, believing a computerized society is beneficial, have passed laws restricting the outrageous profits of the Apple cartel, and have refused to honor Apple’s patents. Thus they opened the computer industry to more competition and lowered the costs by half of what Americans pay. Many people in my universe say that American industry cannot compete internationally because of the high cost of computers. Everything costs more in my universe. For example, If you go to an ATM machine–and people only do that when banks are closed–you get a $10 charge because Apple controls the banking industry computers that have outrageous costs. Only rich people use email. The Internet is used only by wealthy corporations and institutions–and it is where you guys were at in 1993. Apple fetishists were drooling over Steve Jobs just before my worm hole mix-up. He made a presentation about a new book-sized 2 mega-pixel digital camera going on sale for $3000.

“Meanwhile in my universe the health system runs great in the US and worldwide. Years ago in my universe the AMA and the government saw there may be a doctor and nurse shortage in the future. So they enabled free medical education to talented nursing and medical students. Their tuition: A year of service in a government military and/or veteran hospitals and a lifetime of one day a week of free medical service to poor people. This worked very well because it is a manifestation the Hippocratic oath. Even doctors and nurses who did not need the government education funding still by tradition give one day a week of free medical service to the poor. And while you have doctors that make a lot of money here in my universe they still make a lot of money. But no one makes over $200,000. Most doctors make less in my universe but they pay no malpractice insurance. If you screw up in my universe you lose your license and possibly go to jail. The victim gets compensated just like person on disability does–through social security. If you are injured on a job is that not as bad as a medical mistake? Lawyers have no incentive to sue because there will be no increased percentage compensation in making a bad doctor go to jail.

“So you see there are similarities between your computer manufacturing and our medical system, and also similarities between our computer manufacturing and your medical insurance industrial complex. Your computer industry and our medical system had an incentive to increase efficiency and service. We increased doctors and cut expenses. You increased computer business by making them cheap for everyone which stimulated constant improvement. Meanwhile our computer monopoly has no incentive to make things cheap. They make more by charging more–there is no Apple alternative. Likewise your medical insurance monopoly has no incentive to make things cheap. Your insurance industry makes more if the costs are higher. They do not fight outrageous prices because they just pass on the premiums to the consumer. And if their profit is a percentage of the total monetary intake higher prices mean more profit. The public option in my universe works on cost cutting and lowering premiums. That is why the insurance companies in your universe got their thousands of lobbyists to get their hacks in congress to kill the public option. Likewise in my universe there was a plan to help out poor people and businesses with a tax break to develop a Linux computer system. But Apple killed it by getting people to think it would be a socialist government takeover of the computer industry. They got the Linux system kicked out of congress. Instead they will make it mandatory that all computer purchasers buy Apple, and the government will subsidize lower income computer buyers. So you guys have the government forcing people to buy private insurance and in my universe they will enforce people to buy Apple computers with no alternative government sponsored Linux system. People are saying this is socialist in both universes. But government favor of private industry is actually fascist.

“So how is the health care system in my universe financed? If you smoke, don’t exercise and eat bad food you pay more–about $150 monthly. If you exercise, eat well and use no drugs you pay about $50 bucks monthly. So there is similarity between your universe’s computer industry and my universe’s medical system. Here you pay less for a computer that works well–that is, healthy. You have a choice to buy a computer that gives the most bang for the buck. Likewise in my universe you pay less for your care if you are also healthy. There is a tax on junk food. Soda pop costs more than wine. (Wine in moderation is healthy.) Who do you pay? Actually in America in my universe there is a public option. In most states they are like public utilities. No one complains much about public utilities in your universe. Who says that electricity, phone, sewer, water and garbage price regulation is socialist except for extreme libertarians? And do even extreme libertarians support monopolies? So I don’t get your tea party stupidity and paranoia about a government takeover in your universe. But no one in my universe complains about government control of medical payments because everyone is free to buy private insurance if they want. Only time will tell if your system here in this universe will turn out to actually regulate the insurance monopoly to the public’s benefit, or if the medical industrial industrial complex will continue swindling the American public via the new (fascist?) laws enacted this last week.”

Other MCT articles on the screwed up health care universe:

US Medical Insurance Complex Cartel To Join Forces With OPEC
The MCT Health Care Plan That Will Save America & The Economy
Many Dead People Are Not Really Dead But Suffer From A Severe Form Of Hypochondria
Surgery Botch Up, Man Ends Up With Two Noses
Hospital Mess Up: Sex Change Patient Mixed Up With Nose Job Patient