The New Green Is Short! Billionaire Breeding Dwarfs To Save The Environment & Make The US Energy Independent
His name is Vivold Linquensha. He made billions of dollars in bio-technology. What is he doing with his billions of dollars? He is out to transform the world into something energy efficient, sustainable & pollution free. His plan is based on an old economic model made popular in the 70’s by economist EF Shumaker, “Small Is Beautiful.”
“Not only do we need to get rid of big cars, big houses, big consumption of junk and resources, but we should also make ourselves smaller,” says Linquensha. So Linquensha and his team of biologists are working on a form of a vaccine that will cure people of, “Goofy tallness.” The idea is that young children get this shot and never grow beyond three feet tall. Also Linquensha is working on a medicine that will shrink existing tall people. And they are having a big small success with laboratory animals. Now they are testing the shortness drugs on humans.
Linquensha makes a pitch for his plan, “Just think of ecological benefits of people half the size: You can fit twice as many people into cars, buses and
trains doubling fuel efficiency and reducing green house gases. You can lower the ceilings in houses and make them more energy efficient and more economical to heat. Smaller people need less food. This is something that could eradicate world hunger. And talk about an economic stimulus! Think of all the jobs that will be created. We’ll need to lower kitchen counters and change out to lower toilets. Think of all the space that will be freed up in overcrowded cities with smaller people taking up less room.”
Linquensha also makes a good argument to people apprehensive about changing their stature, “What is wrong with changing your height?–especially if it is for the environment’s sake. People change their hair color, they change their clothes which is essentially changing your skin. People get nose jobs and other plastic surgeries. And nose jobs and hair color are all vain and superficial. But making yourself small is something that can save the world!”
Critics say Linquensha’s ideas are unfeasible and some more extreme critics say the 5 foot 2 inch Linquensha is breeding an army of dwarfs to make himself feel tall. Linquensha is getting so much notoriety that he had to fit our interview with him in with the New York Times. New York Times journalist Elford Nooberstrone questioned Liquensha, “Do you really think this is a plausible way to address the energy problem? Isn’t this idea–making yourself small–absurd? Come on.”
“Absurd?” lashed back Linquensha. “What about America’s dependence on foreign oil and automobiles? Why is it that things like the wind energy Pickens plan only turn up 111 hits on the New York Times while things like the Obamas’ new pet dog or the beaten to death swine flu turn up tens of thousands? What about the Obama administration supporting ethanol–which uses more energy to produce than it puts out at the expense of food production? And you are calling my plan absurd?”