Osama Bin Laden Signs Multi Million Dollar Endorsement Deal With Nike

Meltingclocktimes.com has learned that the Nike shoe company is starting a new advertising campaign with Osama Bin Laden. Through our secret sources we were able to see the new TV shot with Bin Laden. Bin Laden is crouched on a rock and says in broken English, “Hello infidels in America. We don’t agree on much do we? But I think we can agree on one thing—Nike makes great shoes. With them my deputies and I have been outrunning the greatest army in the world for seven and a half years. I think Allah and Nike both deserve credit. Nike Shoes have given me great traction in mountain terrain and on slippery rocks. You guys may be the infidel—but you sure make good shoes!” Then you see Bin Laden hold his thumb up and say, “Praise Allah and Nike—just do it!”

According to Nike CEO Philly Knight, “This does not mean we endorse Bin Laden. And to be honest I wish he didn’t have our shoes that enabled him to avoid capture. But since he does wear Nike shoes, and he did out run the US Army Rangers for seven and half years, it does make us feel pretty good about the quality of our products.”

Some analysts, such as Dr. Hugoritz Takokaballer of the Veldstrum Think Tank think,”This shows that Bin Laden is desperate for attention. He needs a new act because

people don’t care much about him anymore. Being on the run makes it hard to blow stuff up and engage in terrorist activities that keep Bin Laden in the limelight that he craves. If anything Bin Laden, like other politicians, lust to be famous and be a star. But political guys like Bin Laden are usually too ugly to be a movie star, or they lack the talent to be a rock and roll star or a sports hero. So this fits right in to something Bin Laden would do to get himself the celebrity attention he needs.”

Labor activists, like AFL-CIO spokesman Berty Bingowitzer are alarmed, “Just when our economy is tanking Nike is outsourcing celebrity endorsements. This is outrageous. There are thousands of American celebrities who are perfectly capable endorsing Nike products without adding to the flow of jobs and money out of the country.”

Stanford University Economist Edlestrut Nisterfout, said that, “The US economy is in shambles. Nike’s outsourcing celebrity endorsements will only make the trade deficit worse putting further pressure on the economic situation.”

Edsel Bukenduck, a writer at Advertising Age magazine said, “This is a masterful publicity ploy. With people out of work and in economic straits, Nike needs an advertising jolt to convince people to buy new shoes. Then maybe people will get new Nike shoes instead of going with holes in their old shoes but eating better, or paying for heat. Also, oil prices are sure to go back up stimulating the economies in the Middle East. Nike, with a Bin Laden endorsement, is sure to pick up Middle East religious fanatic business —even if Americans are too poor to buy shoes.”

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