Other MCT BS

Ground Breaking News! Treasury Department To Be Razed For New Super Walmart Last week we reported that the Treasury department is moving its offices into the Goldman Sachs headquarters and putting their building up for sale.(link) Now there is a buyer. Walmart officials and the General Services Administration, the government branch that deals with federal…

This article was originally published June 13, 2006. Another MCT article explains why this didn’t work out. Walmart will instead raze the Treasury Department and build the super center there. Read about it via this link. Ground Breaking News! Tuesday, June 13, 2006! White House To Be Razed For New Super Walmart Walmart officials and…

US Treasury Department Will Move Their Offices Into Goldman Sachs Building — Treasury Building To Be Mothballed In Cost Cutting Move It’s a win-win situation. The government is aggressively looking at ways to slash expenditures to cut the enormous deficit. What a way to make a start symbolically and literally. The government will cut the…

Sarah Palin Killed Michael Jackson Normaly MCT does not cover trendy news items like TV gossip networks and other publications do. We are a serious publication devoted to covering more important topics like zombie infiltration, sexually perverted space aliens, chickens and botched nose jobs. But since we do cover noses we sent a correspondent to…

Multi-Racial, Multi-Ethnic Patriotic Couple Gives Birth To Red, White And Blue Baby His mother is half Irish and half American Indian. His father is half Mexican and half Italian. Her father is half black and half Chinese. Her mother is of Eastern European Jewish origin, part Japanese, and part hillbilly. This married couple is made…

God Sends Johnny Cash To Play In Prison Hell Circuit No one has proved that there is an afterlife. However, people who proclaim they have recently had near death experiences and seance participants are reporting startling news: Johny Cash is now on a prison hell tour. Supposedly God sent Cash down to hell to give…

Restaurant With Disgusting Menu Turning Away Crowds Menu Items Include Unwashed Pig Anus, Mashed Donkey Brains, Savory Eye Balls, And Bull Penis Sautéed In Fish Guts Restaurants are suffering in the current economic crisis. Some restaurants have tried substituting cheap rotten ingredients for fresh expensive ones in the hope that lower prices will attract dinners….

Hippiedom is not a throwback from the sixties, but a thriving subculture that the giant annual hippie convention, convening today in Hoboken, Oregon is making evident. Thousands of dread-locked, tie-dyed enthusiasts from hippie enclaves all over the US and abroad are already swarming the Hoboken streets. Conventioneer Freedombear Dingbouts, hitchhiked from San Fransisco and said,…

The New Green Is Short! Billionaire Breeding Dwarfs To Save The Environment & Make The US Energy Independent His name is Vivold Linquensha. He made billions of dollars in bio-technology. What is he doing with his billions of dollars? He is out to transform the world into something energy efficient, sustainable & pollution free. His…

MCT Offers $500 To Anyone Who Invents A Device That Destroys Answering Machines Here is the situation: You call someone and a recorded answering machine voice says, “You have reached 555-1234 ….” I just dialed the fucking number so why do all you people have to let me know it again? Then the voice continues…….

Osama Bin Laden Signs Multi Million Dollar Endorsement Deal With Nike Meltingclocktimes.com has learned that the Nike shoe company is starting a new advertising campaign with Osama Bin Laden. Through our secret sources we were able to see the new TV shot with Bin Laden. Bin Laden is crouched on a rock and says in…

The Forgotten Civilization of Pacificus THAT GOT DESTROYED BY Buying Useless Crap Famed archaeologist Alberto Ziieegerstien tells about his discovery of the ruins of Pacificus and how it relates to the present economic crisis It was 1958. I was a young archaeologist looking to make my mark. So I set sail for the island of…

Hoboken, Oregon Divided On Hosting Idiot Convention The Hoboken, Oregon Convention Bureau doesn’t even do good business in the summer. The town is far from anywhere. In winter when it is rainy and snowy no one comes. That is, until last year when the International Association Of Idiots decided to host its annual March convention…

We published an article in November, 2006: “Sprawling Factory Built In Oregon, But No One Knows What They Make, Including The Workers — Stock is way up!” We wrote about a factory that produced nothing but the company finances and business plan looked good to investors–so the stock was going up. Sound familiar? It could…

Alternative Universe Is Discovered That Is Exactly Like Earth Except Rock And Roll Is Unpopular And Polka Music Is The Rave Can you imagine a world where the Beatles and the Rolling Stones are nobodies and Sven Jorgensen and His Yodeling Accordion Quartet are more popular than Jesus Christ? Can you image a world where…