Elford Zeeberzocks got tired of the rat race in Seattle, Washington. So he cashed in on his overpriced house a few years ago and moved to the slower paced Hoboken, Oregon. Zeeberzocks thought Hoboken was much like other places in America, a decrepit downtown, with depressing suburban sprawl and crappy post WW II architecture. But even so, Hoboken seemed nicer than other small American cites. It is near pristine forests and mountains and there is a good ski area just an hour away.
Zeeberzocks used to work in construction and spent months remodeling his new house. He ended up with a great place to live that would have cost a fortune in Seattle. But his paradise started looking grimmer –something was strange in his section of town.
The streets were often dead. He never really met any neighbors. When he did catch some folks next door going from their car to the house he got brief inane small talk–politeness, but a complete lack of interest. Sometimes soulless looking people would go by in cars. Restaurants or bars that popped up on the main street near his house would soon go out of business. Zeeberbzocks strolled the streets at dusk and saw in house windows motionless people sitting in front of boxes with a blue light emanating from them. “What were those strange lights?” thought Zeeberzocks.
Zeeberzocks started patronizing a new restaurant/bar walking distance from his house. “The place had great food and beer at low prices—yet I was usually the only one in there,” explained Zeeberzocks.
Zeeberzocks became friends with the owner /chef. They would sit in the restaurant amazed that robot-like people in cars would line up at a drive-in window of a fast food place down the road. The restaurant/bar went out of business and Zeeberzocks came to the conclusion that nearly everyone in his neighborhood were zombies.
But this analysis is not just the wild imagination of Zeeberzocks. Scientists, such as Dr. Ziegfried Yoddlebucker, and others are making the case of a zombie population surge. (Read another MCT article on this topic.)
Dr. Yoddlebucker explained, “Zombies are people who are brain-dead. They are characterized by no emotions, no interest in anything—only reflex actions and respond to simple stimulus like bright lights—so zombies are attracted to television. Believe it or not zombies can drive cars and hold jobs. In fact, zombies may be better suited to today’s job marketplace that requires conformity, political correctness, and dull repetition and menial non thinking labor. But the reason why we are seeing such a big increase in the zombie populations I have discovered is they have evolved and they no longer eat human flesh—they eat junk food and crappy grocery store food-like stuff; soda, wonder bread, cheese whiz and sugary cereals. They are attracted by the packaging colors and grab stuff at random. Could anyone with a thinking brain eat that stuff? When zombies ate human flesh they had entire armies killing them off. Now that they lay off human meat law enforcement is unconcerned with them and businesses, like McDonald’s, that cater to zombies even like them. So their population is increasing. I am unsurprised to learn that zombies have taken over entire neighborhoods.”
Readers, we know from the server logs that there are hundreds of you coming here everyday to Meltingclocktimes.com. Have you seen evidence of zombie infiltration in your community? Please share your zombie experiences below. If you are one of the few humans left and see no responses below we will know for sure that even MCT traffic is dominated by zombies aimlessly and randomly clicking away. In fact, you may be one yourself.
Other articles in the ongoing MCT investigation of zombie infiltration in America:
Scientist Discovers That Many People Who Appear To Be Alive Are Actually Dead