More MCT BS
Man Returns From Hell With Horrifying Report
Man Returns From Hell With Horrifying Report Did the devil get drunk and mess up? Last week after doctors pronounced Jelbert McKoondlefart dead he woke up. He had been dead for three days and then rose up in a mortuary just as a undertaker was about to cremate him. But the amazing thing that is…
Bush Blow Out Transvestite Ball In White House
BUSH THROWS WILD BLOW OUT TRANSVESTITE BALL IN WHITE HOUSE Shocking Pictures! MCT Exclusive! We Were There With A Hidden Camera! President George W. Bush shocked everyone the last night of his presidency and threw a huge transvestite ball in the White House. Conservative Republicans who credit Bush for his strong moral stance are outraged….
Transplanting Goat Stomachs Into Poor People May End Hunger
An End To World Hunger? Surgeon Transplants Goat Stomachs Into Poor People So They Can Eat Grass A prominent surgeon from the Hoboken, Oregon Medical Institute, Dr. Midros Hienzmucker has perfected a revolutionary way of ending world hunger. Dr. Hienzmucker crafted an operation that transplants a goat stomach into a human stomach. The human recipient…
Woman Sits On Gum On City Bus And Gets Stuck To Seat For Three Years
WOMAN SITS ON GUM ON CITY BUS AND GETS STUCK TO SEAT FOR THREE YEARS The amazing survival story of Mildred Felkelstien’s three year ordeal on a bus! Mildred Felkelstien is a retired school teacher who one day went out for a simple bus ride across town to visit her daughter. The bus ride turned into…
Rich Wackos Using Poor People For Furniture
A new trend in furniture is spreading among the nation’s elite rich. Wealthy people are taking advantage of the huge numbers of unemployed people and hiring them as human furniture. “Having human furniture is all the rage among the super rich,” says New York socialite Beatrice Nooberstune. “You are nobody if you don’t have at…
MCT offers Hillary Clinton $29 to pose nude
Meltingclocktimes.com Offers Hillary Clinton $29.95 To Pose Nude (Originally published in spring 08 before she dropped out of the presidential race. After she dropped out we reduced our offer to $19.95.)Meltingclocktimes.com hereby announces that we will pay Hillary Clinton $29.95 to pose nude.
Zombies
Scientist Discovers That Many People Who Appear To Be Alive Are Actually Dead A Person lies dead in a morgue and his finger nails and hair continue to grow. A chicken with his head cut off runs around. Scientists say electrical energy in nerves make it possible for a headless chicken to run around. But…
Many Dead People Are Not Really Dead But Suffer From A Severe Form Of Hypochondria
A growing number of doctors and medical care experts have reached the conclusion that many patients who have died or are dying are not really sick or even dead, but that they suffer from a severe form of hypochondria. “The theory, which seems absurd at first, makes a lot of sense when you examine the…
MAFIOSO THUGS TERRORIZING LOW CARB RESTAURANTS
MAFIOSO THUGS TERRORIZING “LOW CARB” RESTAURANTS Italian Food Lovers Say “Low Carb” Trend Is Terrorizing Good Food Restaurants in Italian sections of cities across America that have advertised “Low Carb” are getting windows broken out and thugs are beating up “low carb” chefs. Panic is sweeping through the restaurant industry. I called up my friend…
Literacy campaign
“The Person who does not read is at the same disadvantage as someone who cannot read.” –Mark Twain MCT is on a literacy campaign. Don’t be an ignorant illiterate who only looks at the pictures and scans the headlines. Read a whole article!
Fortune five read MCT
Many Fortune 500 CEOs read MCTs for a unique perspective — Perhaps that’s why the world’s so fucked up.
world leaders read MCT
World leaders read MCTs For An Unique Perspective — Perhaps that’s why the world’s so fucked up.
Million if not true
MCT will pay $1,000,000 to anyone who can prove any of our articles are not true. To make a claim for your $1,000,000 send us an email. Please include a Shakespeare sonnet in the subject line and then translate Joyce’s, ‘Finnagans Wake’ into Swahili in the letter body. Only original translations will be accepted. Then…
MCT no tree waste
We have no tree wasting print edition. So you cannot use our publication for toilet paper. MCT–unlike The NY Times–is only for reading!