Man Returns From Hell With Horrifying Report Did the devil get drunk and mess up? Last week after doctors pronounced Jelbert McKoondlefart dead he woke up. He had been dead for three days and then rose up in a mortuary just as a undertaker was about to cremate him. But the amazing thing that is…
Google Attempts To Censor Meltingclocktimes.com Has Google Jumped The Shark? & Is It Turning Into Just Another Giant Bureaucratic Quagmire Bullshit Corporation? If you have been on MCT before you may have noticed there were Google ads on the left column that are not there anymore. In fact, don’t you think the site looks better…
Osama Bin Laden Signs Multi Million Dollar Endorsement Deal With Nike Meltingclocktimes.com has learned that the Nike shoe company is starting a new advertising campaign with Osama Bin Laden. Through our secret sources we were able to see the new TV shot with Bin Laden. Bin Laden is crouched on a rock and says in…
A new sport is sweeping the nation. Skydivers are jumping out of planes without parachutes. They are attaching themselves to a string of live turkeys. Apparently the turkeys go nuts and flap their wings and act as a parachute. And with live turkeys going for less than a dollar a pound it costs a lot…
MCTs has rejected advertising from GM, Coke, The Committee to (re)elect G. Bush, McDonalds, and Ford because we don’t want their crappy products defacing our web site.
Scientist Discovers That Many People Who Appear To Be Alive Are Actually Dead A Person lies dead in a morgue and his finger nails and hair continue to grow. A chicken with his head cut off runs around. Scientists say electrical energy in nerves make it possible for a headless chicken to run around. But…
Breaking Public Service News! Meltingclocktimes.com advocates burning all spammers at the stake. At least ISPs are using great programs like Spam Assassin (and if your email server doesn’t use it you should switch your email service.) And you can avoid much spam by doing simple things like never publishing your email address on a web…
Last Woman Who Had A Plastic Pink Flamingo In Yard And Was Not Joking Dies –But Bad Taste Is Still ThrivingThe generation born before WW II had terrible taste. Tuna casserole, fast food, suburbia, all are inventions of that generation. Plastic flowers, plastic floors and counters, were all non existent before these people existed. They…
Every year the Society For Ugly, Poor And Fat Men hold a convention. You are maybe wondering why there is such an organization and convention. Is it to help these guys out with strategies to overcome poverty and obesity? We asked several convention goers why they came. “I come to the convention for the women,”…
Been there! Done it! & Zoingzoing didn’t waste billions [like you already, Mr. Musk, Mr. Bezos!] just to go to a crappy nearby desert planet like Mars. Blast off reading about Zoingzoing’s galactic travels with a spaceship powered with shit! You’ll discover the only thing Zoingzoing has in common with other Sci-fi & the space billionaires…
Sarah Palin Killed Michael Jackson Normaly MCT does not cover trendy news items like TV gossip networks and other publications do. We are a serious publication devoted to covering more important topics like zombie infiltration, sexually perverted space aliens, chickens and botched nose jobs. But since we do cover noses we sent a correspondent to…
MCT will pay $1,000,000 to anyone who can prove any of our articles are not true. To make a claim for your $1,000,000 send us an email. Please include a Shakespeare sonnet in the subject line and then translate Joyce’s, ‘Finnagans Wake’ into Swahili in the letter body. Only original translations will be accepted. Then…
US Treasury Department Will Move Their Offices Into Goldman Sachs Building — Treasury Building To Be Mothballed In Cost Cutting Move It’s a win-win situation. The government is aggressively looking at ways to slash expenditures to cut the enormous deficit. What a way to make a start symbolically and literally. The government will cut the…
About a year ago we published an article, Alternative Universe Is Discovered That Is Exactly Like Earth Except Rock And Roll Is Unpopular And Polka Music Is The Rave. It was about astronaut Jeral Googorston’s experience getting sucked through a worm hole from an alternative universe that was exactly like this universe– expect the alternative…
No one had heard from Elbert Wingducker for weeks. Finally his sister broke into his house and found Elbert’s skeleton in the shower with a thick lather of shampoo on his head. Hundreds of empty shampoo bottles were strewn all over the bathroom floor. Apparently Elbert Wingducker was a man who took things too literally….
