Restaurant With Disgusting Menu Turning Away Crowds Menu Items Include Unwashed Pig Anus, Mashed Donkey Brains, Savory Eye Balls, And Bull Penis Sautéed In Fish Guts Restaurants are suffering in the current economic crisis. Some restaurants have tried substituting cheap rotten ingredients for fresh expensive ones in the hope that lower prices will attract dinners….
Man Buys House And Discovers Everyone In His Neighborhood Are Zombies –MCT continues an ongoing investigation on zombie infiltration in America Elford Zeeberzocks got tired of the rat race in Seattle, Washington. So he cashed in on his overpriced house a few years ago and moved to the slower paced Hoboken, Oregon. Zeeberzocks thought Hoboken…
Hippiedom is not a throwback from the sixties, but a thriving subculture that the giant annual hippie convention, convening today in Hoboken, Oregon is making evident. Thousands of dread-locked, tie-dyed enthusiasts from hippie enclaves all over the US and abroad are already swarming the Hoboken streets. Conventioneer Freedombear Dingbouts, hitchhiked from San Fransisco and said,…
It used to be that a magazine like Playboy publishing pictures of a woman’s tits would outrage people. Four or five years ago Janet Jackson exposed her breast during the Super Bowl half time show and caused a controversy. But we wonder if anyone would notice if she did it now –just a few years…
The New Green Is Short! Billionaire Breeding Dwarfs To Save The Environment & Make The US Energy Independent His name is Vivold Linquensha. He made billions of dollars in bio-technology. What is he doing with his billions of dollars? He is out to transform the world into something energy efficient, sustainable & pollution free. His…
Gay Population Skyrocketing Due To Vampire Aversion Vampires have been avoiding gays for fear of contacting the AIDS virus for 20 years. Up until the mid 90’s the gay population decreased due to fatalities from the AIDS virus. According to Census Bureau statisticians two factors have changed death demographics for gays. One is anti viral…
MCT Offers $500 To Anyone Who Invents A Device That Destroys Answering Machines Here is the situation: You call someone and a recorded answering machine voice says, “You have reached 555-1234 ….” I just dialed the fucking number so why do all you people have to let me know it again? Then the voice continues…….
Aliens Give Up On Plot To Take Over Earth Because, “Earthlings All Look Alike“ -It would be “too confusing” for the aliens Imagine our shock when the creature pictured on the right walked into our offices here at MCT. As you can see he has three noses and ears, four eyes and two mouths. His…
Osama Bin Laden Signs Multi Million Dollar Endorsement Deal With Nike Meltingclocktimes.com has learned that the Nike shoe company is starting a new advertising campaign with Osama Bin Laden. Through our secret sources we were able to see the new TV shot with Bin Laden. Bin Laden is crouched on a rock and says in…
The Forgotten Civilization of Pacificus THAT GOT DESTROYED BY Buying Useless Crap Famed archaeologist Alberto Ziieegerstien tells about his discovery of the ruins of Pacificus and how it relates to the present economic crisis It was 1958. I was a young archaeologist looking to make my mark. So I set sail for the island of…
Every day is April Fools day at MCT. We are living in a world of fools–so isn’t that appropriate?
Tomatoes Grow Noses! Albert Gosuelezstien got the shock of his life after returning home from the store when he started preparing a salad. He grabbed a tomato he bought and saw it had a nose! He jumped. It turns out that an entire truckload of genetically modified tomatoes that were delivered to a Hoboken, Oregon…
The Next Big Thing That Will Pull The World Out Of The Economic Crisis: Dwarf Tossing! There are cultural phenomenas and inventions that come about that change the world forever. The gun, the printing press, the airplane, rock and roll, electricity and the Internet all impacted the world beyond measure. These phenomenas had huge economic…
Hoboken, Oregon Divided On Hosting Idiot Convention The Hoboken, Oregon Convention Bureau doesn’t even do good business in the summer. The town is far from anywhere. In winter when it is rainy and snowy no one comes. That is, until last year when the International Association Of Idiots decided to host its annual March convention…
We published an article in November, 2006: “Sprawling Factory Built In Oregon, But No One Knows What They Make, Including The Workers — Stock is way up!” We wrote about a factory that produced nothing but the company finances and business plan looked good to investors–so the stock was going up. Sound familiar? It could…
