The New Green Is Short! Billionaire Breeding Dwarfs To Save The Environment & Make The US Energy Independent His name is Vivold Linquensha. He made billions of dollars in bio-technology. What is he doing with his billions of dollars? He is out to transform the world into something energy efficient, sustainable & pollution free. His plan is basedRead More!
Gay Population Skyrocketing Due To Vampire Aversion Vampires have been avoiding gays for fear of contacting the AIDS virus for 20 years. Up until the mid 90’s the gay population decreased due to fatalities from the AIDS virus. According to Census Bureau statisticians two factors have changed death demographics for gays. One is anti viral drugs that haveRead More!
MCT Offers $500 To Anyone Who Invents A Device That Destroys Answering Machines Here is the situation: You call someone and a recorded answering machine voice says, “You have reached 555-1234 ….” I just dialed the fucking number so why do all you people have to let me know it again? Then the voice continues…. “I can’t comeRead More!
Aliens Give Up On Plot To Take Over Earth Because, “Earthlings All Look Alike“ -It would be “too confusing” for the aliens Imagine our shock when the creature pictured on the right walked into our offices here at MCT. As you can see he has three noses and ears, four eyes and two mouths. His skin color isRead More!
Osama Bin Laden Signs Multi Million Dollar Endorsement Deal With Nike Meltingclocktimes.com has learned that the Nike shoe company is starting a new advertising campaign with Osama Bin Laden. Through our secret sources we were able to see the new TV shot with Bin Laden. Bin Laden is crouched on a rock and says in broken English, “HelloRead More!
The Forgotten Civilization of Pacificus THAT GOT DESTROYED BY Buying Useless Crap Famed archaeologist Alberto Ziieegerstien tells about his discovery of the ruins of Pacificus and how it relates to the present economic crisis It was 1958. I was a young archaeologist looking to make my mark. So I set sail for the island of Pacificus from Hawaii.Read More!
Tomatoes Grow Noses! Albert Gosuelezstien got the shock of his life after returning home from the store when he started preparing a salad. He grabbed a tomato he bought and saw it had a nose! He jumped. It turns out that an entire truckload of genetically modified tomatoes that were delivered to a Hoboken, Oregon Safeway store hadRead More!
The Next Big Thing That Will Pull The World Out Of The Economic Crisis: Dwarf Tossing! There are cultural phenomenas and inventions that come about that change the world forever. The gun, the printing press, the airplane, rock and roll, electricity and the Internet all impacted the world beyond measure. These phenomenas had huge economic reverberations. What willRead More!
Hoboken, Oregon Divided On Hosting Idiot Convention The Hoboken, Oregon Convention Bureau doesn’t even do good business in the summer. The town is far from anywhere. In winter when it is rainy and snowy no one comes. That is, until last year when the International Association Of Idiots decided to host its annual March convention there. Now theRead More!
MCT Foresaw The Financial Crisis We published an article in November, 2006: “Sprawling Factory Built In Oregon, But No One Knows What They Make, Including The Workers — Stock is way up!” We wrote about a factory that produced nothing but the company finances and business plan looked good to investors–so the stock was going up. Sound familiar?Read More!
Alternative Universe Is Discovered That Is Exactly Like Earth Except Rock And Roll Is Unpopular And Polka Music Is The Rave Can you imagine a world where the Beatles and the Rolling Stones are nobodies and Sven Jorgensen and His Yodeling Accordion Quartet are more popular than Jesus Christ? Can you image a world where the accordion isRead More!
Dog Breaking News! Psychologist Argues In Provocative Book That Dog Owners Are Clinically Insane Now think of this. I am a hairy guy. I will be coming to live at your house. I won’t ever use the bathroom except to drink out of the toilet. I’ll get my hair all over and smell bad. But the worst thingRead More!
********* January 2012 Update!!! ******** The satire below from 3 years ago totally changed the Kindle. I don’t know if Jeff Bezos actually read this, but is it a coincidence that everything I made fun of –from the high price to the non open platform has changed? The new Kindle works better and costs one quarter than theRead More!
Man Returns From Hell With Horrifying Report Did the devil get drunk and mess up? Last week after doctors pronounced Jelbert McKoondlefart dead he woke up. He had been dead for three days and then rose up in a mortuary just as a undertaker was about to cremate him. But the amazing thing that is startling doctors andRead More!